


blockt

by marxsbaddieb (southsalem)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Attempt at Humor, Gen, M/M, Texting, donghyuck is a theater kid and proud of it, dont expect any shipping for a while there need 2 be a lot of manuvering, i cant spell but it works because theyre texting aha, i dont trust that shit, references to underage sex whoops, renjun grew up on reality tv and he's valid, some of them are "straight", the dreamies are sophomores, the hyung line are seniors
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:28:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 18,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24485887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/southsalem/pseuds/marxsbaddieb
Summary: nationalized boyfriend ☭: I HAVE LITERALLY NEVER DONE ANYTHING WRONG WHY AM I BEING THREATENEDinjun: you locked me in a dog crate in 4th gradejeNo: You kneed me in the face when we were trapped in that bathroom and then told everyone I got in a gang fight over heroin.dongsucc: you bleached the bottom half of my hair and told me it looked good for two weeks
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 77
Kudos: 177





	1. Bestiality Bitches and Bukkake

**Author's Note:**

> this is just a place for me to dump the things in my brain that im not willing to subject my friends to get excited!! commenting gives me life blood ;) so if you wanna donate to my supply feel free to drop some sweet sweet validation or critique downstairs

_ Bestiality Bitches and Bukkake _

dongsucc: so it all started when i accidentally called mark’s dad daddy

injun: holeup

nationalized boyfriend ☭: I’m sorry Hyuck wha-

dongsucc: yeah lmao bit of an L i would say but it wasn’t too bad at first

dongsucc: like ive called him dad before on accident because im basically his kid at this point

injun: so i already see some issues here but keep going ig

dongsucc: but the problem was d*jun was there to work on our group project

dongsucc: stfu whore let me tell my story

injun: bitch

dongsucc: slut

injun: tramp

dongsucc: wench

injun: harlot

dongsucc: wow i didn’t knwo we were living in 1642

nationalized boyfriend ☭: knwo

jeNo: knwo

injun: was that a scarlett letter reference

injun: die

dongsucc: only for u junnie <3

dongsucc: ANYWAYS

dongsucc: so i call mark’s dad daddy

dongsucc: and he just laughs and pats me on the head because im the favorite child

jeNo: mark his actual son??

dongsucc: did i ask

dongsucc: but d*jun just gets this Look

dongsucc: and i stg

dongsucc: we walk upstairs to start working on our project

dongsucc: and he pulls me aside while mark, the dumbass, isn’t paying attention

dongsucc: and he’s like 

dongsucc: please tell me ur not sleeping with mark’s dad

nationalized boyfriend ☭: LMAO

jeNo: WHAT THE FUCK

dongsucc: I KNOW

injun: hyuck i mean this in the nicest way possible

nationalized boyfriend ☭: Unrealistic but ok

injun: stfu jaemin i can be nice sometimes

injun: but i wouldn’t put it past you to fuck someone’s dad

injun: just as

injun: yknow

dongsucc: i very much do not know renjun what the fuck

injun: idk it’s kinda a power move

dongsucc: IM NOT EVEN THE SLUTTIEST ONE OUT OF US

nationalized boyfriend ☭: @ me next time goddamn

injun: i mean… it’s not like we dont have a….

injun: reputation

jeNo: What is this “we” don’t lump me in with you guys.

dongsucc: we get it jeno ur saving urself for marriage

jeNo: Just because I’m straight doesn’t mean you can bully me

nationalized boyfriend ☭: yes it does

injun: yes it does

dongsucc: yes it does

jeNo: I’m leaving.

dongsucc: u wouldn’t survive a day without us and you know it

jeNo: You’re literally wrong

jeNo: I already eat lunch with the swim team like twice a week

jeNo: The upperclassmen like me better

jeNo: Every day I stay is a choice and every time it’s the wrong one.

nationalized boyfriend ☭: damn jeno really feeling the love right here

dongsucc: ur not special we all do afterschool activities

injun: you’re a theater kid donghyuck i wouldn’t say that’s exactly a flex

dongsucc: silence, choir boy

injun: choir is an art form you dumb bitch

dongsucc: so is theater tf

nationalized boyfriend ☭: boys

nationalized boyfriend ☭: boys

nationalized boyfriend ☭: youre both pretty

injun: jaemin i will sneak into your house and castrate you don’t fuck with me

dongsucc: jaemin i stg u better keep watching your back because one day when u least expect it ill be there and ill pull ur tonsils out of ur ass

nationalized boyfriend ☭: I HAVE LITERALLY NEVER DONE ANYTHING WRONG WHY AM I BEING THREATENED

injun: you locked me in a dog crate in 4th grade

jeNo: You kneed me in the face when we were trapped in that bathroom and then told everyone I got in a gang fight over heroin.

dongsucc: you bleached the bottom half of my hair and told me it looked good for two weeks

nationalized boyfriend ☭: ok FIRST OF ALL elementary school grudges aren’t real and renjun’s a little bitch

injun: WAS MY SDUFFERING NOT REAL ENOUGH FR YOU

injun: I HAVE CLAUSTROPHOIBA NOW

nationalized boyfriend ☭: No you don’t

nationalized boyfriend ☭: And jeno you have to admit that was funny

jeNo: I HAD TO TALK TO A COUNCILOR

jeNo: THEY ALMOST CALLED MY PARENTS

nationalized boyfriend ☭: You were fine

nationalized boyfriend ☭: And Donghyuck I was right you looked good

dongsucc: i had a two tone mullet and i thought it made me a fashion icon

nationalized boyfriend ☭: IT DID

injun: nope

jeNo: Nope

nationalized boyfriend ☭: >:( You guys just don’t have taste

injun: that was a depressingly short nope chain we need more friends

dongsucc: should we add mark back in here

injun: i don’t think i can handle two straighties right now i’ll have an aneurysm 

nationalized boyfriend ☭: DID YOU JUST SYA MAKR IS STRAIFHT

dongsucc: LMAO

nationalized boyfriend ☭: LMAO

injun: ???? did i miss something

injun: guys

injun: GUYS

injun: y’all’re so fake i can’t stand this toxicity

-

_ Chat with dongsucc _

injun: what happened with mark

injun: hyuck

injun: hyuck

injun: answer me slutti

dongsucc: nah

injun: if i didn’t live twenty minutes away my hand would be so tight around your throat i dont think you even understand bich boy you live because i say you can

dongsucc: junnie you cried when i sprained my wrist

injun: that wasn’t me

dongsucc: then who did i see crying whore

injun: my twin brother

injun: he goes to another school

injun: we decided to try switching to fuck with you guys

dongsucc: wots his name

injun: david

dongsucc: ah yes, renjun and david, brothers

injun: stfu just because im the least favorite child doesn’t mean you can bully me about it

dongsucc: i get to bully u about whatever i want u dont control me dad

injun: keep your kinks out of this

dongsucc: dont even start mr. exhibitionist

injun: it was ONE TIME god

dongsucc: it was scarring

dongsucc: my poor eyes

dongsucc: ruined forever

injun: you’re just jealous cause i get hoes

dongsucc: u r the hoe don’t lie to urself

injun: silence, thot

injun: WAIT DON”T TRY TO DISTRACT ME

dongsucc: . 

injun: WHAT HAPPENED WITH MARK

dongsucc: .

injun: i won’t let you cheat off my spanish tests for the rest of the year if you don’t tell me

dongsucc: I NEVER CHEAT OFF YOU

injun: I SEE YOU

injun: LOOKING OVER

injun: NOT EVEN SUBTLE

injun: EYES STRAIGHT ON MY PAPER

dongsucc: that’s not me

dongsucc: it’s my twin brother

dongsucc: smavid

injun: i’m blocking you in real life

-

_ Chat with nationalized boyfriend ☭ _

injun: what happened wiht mark

nationalized boyfriend ☭: It’s been like 15 minutes what have you even been doing

injun: Unimportant

nationalized boyfriend ☭: Did you try to ask Hyuck

nationalized boyfriend ☭: rookie mistake

injun: i’ve seen the error of my ways

injun: my friendship with hyuck? terminated.

injun: my friendship with you? bountiful, fruitful, fertile, beautiful, incredible, impeccable

nationalized boyfriend ☭: Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular

injun: never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before, unafraid to reference or not reference

nationalized boyfriend ☭: Put it in a blender, shit on it, vomit on it, eat it, give birth to it

injun: i knew there was a reason you were my favorite

nationalized boyfriend ☭: I’m not telling you what happened with mark

injun: bitch

-

_ Chat with jeNo _

injun: what happened with mark

jeNo: I have no idea and frankly I’m afraid to ask

injun: you’re useless i hate this family

injun: can you ask jaemin??? he’ll probably tell you

jeNo: I’m not getting involved the last time I did that Hyuck cut all the sleeves off my shirts

injun: i mean you were kinda asking for it

jeNo: I told him he should probably talk to Mark if he wanted to stop fighting! That’s reasonable!

injun: hmm

-

_ Chat with mork _

injun: why aren’t you straight anymore

mork: God Karen you can’t just ask people why they’re straight

injun: don’t you try to distract me with mean girls

injun: i’ve been struggling for an HOUR

injun: just TRYING to learn the tea

injun: i’ve had to cut ties with all our friends for betraying me in cold blood

injun: you’re all i have left

mork: Remember when we first started talking and you called me needy because I double texted

injun: i hate you

mork: Love you too bro

injun: if i say it back will you tell me what gay shit you got up to

injun: i don’t judge

injun: i’ve been gay for longer than you have i’ve probably done it too but better

mork: Dude you’re not making a good case for yourself

mork: And what if I was traumatized and scared about being outed

mork: That isn’t very good gay ettiquite 

injun: stfu het blame jaemin and hyuck

mork: I’m getting whiplash am I gay or a het

injun: how could i know

injun: no one will tell me ANYTHING

mork: How are you even more dramatic than Hyuck

injun: i was allowed unsupervised internet access from a young age

injun: i watched a lot of reality tv on youtube

mork: Damn dude I just watched bad porn

injun: gross

mork: We literally watched porn together like two days ago during lunch

injun: that was Ariana Grande With Huge Tits Gets Smashed From Behind and its not PORN its ART

mork: It looked a lot like porn to me

injun: we get it, you have eyes

injun: stop flaunting around your privilege in front of my eyeless face

mork: Why do I talk to you

injun: to tell me about the gay shit that you have no one else to talk about with

mork: All of our friends are gay

injun: yes but im the best 

mork: I made out with Jaehyun at a basketball party, happy now

injun: omg skinny ✨

injun: how was it???? i’ve been trying to get with jaehyun since like freshman year but it never ends up happening :((

mork: As much as I’d like to talk about this with you right now

injun: which is clearly a lot you don’t have to pretend otherwise, i know

mork: I need to finish a lab report for physics, sorry bro

injun: ugh fine go be a good student im gonna do coke off johnny’s dick

mork: Have fun


	2. fuck evolution, all my homies hate evolution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the fastest i'll ever update don't get used to it

_Bestiality Bitches and Bukkake_

dongsucc: get ready y’all

injun: what are uou-

_dongsucc added mork to the chat_

dongsucc: welcum back bitch

jeNo: Mark!

nationalized boyfriend ☭: I felt in the force that a bad bitch has arrived

injun: … how was physics, slut

mork: Oh god this again

dongsucc: u were gone for like two days

mork: And I finally knew peace

nationalized boyfriend ☭: No such thing!

injun: How Was Physics, Slut

mork: I heard you the first time dude

mork: Terrible

nationalized boyfriend ☭: Physics is the worst of the sciences idk what you expected

injun: i wont have biology ignored like this

injun: she committed far worse crimes

jeNo: I was in your bio class freshman year it was so chill

injun: i wanted to die every second of that class you traitor

jeNo: It’s not my fault you hate evolution

injun: fuck evolution, all my homies hate evolution

nationalized boyfriend ☭: Didn’t take renjun to be an evangelical Christian but you learn something new every day!

injun: we should never have moved past being ferns humanity was a mistake

dongsucc: boooo

dongsucc: leave ur emo phase in 2015 like the rest of us

mork: Hyuck I’ve been in your room you still have an MCR poster up

dongsucc: mcr is not EMO the disrespect in this house smh

nationalized boyfriend ☭: MCR is literally the poster child of emo bands

nationalized boyfriend ☭: There isn’t music that’s MORE emo

dongsucc: counterpoint: the mixtape that mark released in 8th grade

mork: Low blow, dude

jeNo: I listened to that recently it was surprisingly good actually!!

mork: WH

mork: Oh shit thanks man

injun: is it still up on mark’s old soundcloud??

mork: I’m deleting that don’t you guys dare

dongsucc: i have it downloaded on my laptop don’t worry y’all

mork: Die

dongsucc: make me

nationalized boyfriend ☭: We get it, y'all have sexual tension

dongsucc: slafhfajhdfljashfljsdh

mork: I’m sorry wha-

injun: jaemin i love you with my entire heart

nationalized boyfriend ☭: ew cooties

injun: nvm then BITCH

dongsucc: are we just gonna ignore that immediate and obvious affront to my dignity????? the injustice?????

injun: yes

nationalized boyfriend ☭: Yes

jeNo: Yes

dongsucc: ok then fuck y’all too

-

_Donkis Konkis_

injun: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

dongsucc: i said m*rk was cute ONCE in FRESHMAN YEAR and y’all never let it go

nationalized boyfriend ☭: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

dongsucc: i hate you

injun: i mean you can’t deny,,,, you and mark have been,,, hanging out a lot recently

injun: smells like teen spirit to me

dongsucc: stop trying to be cool we all already know ur gay

dongsucc: n e ways it’s because we had to do a project together?? and we’re friends??? piss off????

injun: uhuh a ~project~

injun: a likely story

dongsucc: jaemin ur in my english class defend me

nationalized boyfriend ☭: Nah

-

_Bestiality Bitches and Bukkake_

dongsucc: jaemin was the one who threw a fork into the ceiling and lost us off campus privileges

nationalized boyfriend ☭: DONGHYUCK WHAT THE FUCK

nationalized boyfriend ☭: YOU PROMISED THAT WAS BETWEEN US

jeNo: Jaemin WHAT

injun: disappointed but not surprised

mork: Jaemin wtf man

nationalized boyfriend ☭: Listen I didn’t mean to!!

injun: we had to stay on campus for three weeks

injun: no mcdonalds

injun: no whole foods

nationalized boyfriend ☭: I’m sorry :(

injun: ALL I WANTED WAS A COFFEE DURING MY FREE

jeNo: Yeah not cool!! 

jeNo: Wait didn’t they just ask for an apology to get campus privileges back?

dongsucc: yep

dongsucc: guess who did not apologize

nationalized boyfriend ☭: I was running from the law

nationalized boyfriend ☭: Would you ask the lone ranger to turn himself in???

mork: Yeah

dongsucc: yep

jeNo: Yes

injun: i mean yeah

nationalized boyfriend ☭: You guys have no sense of duty

dongsucc: it’s called being a good person, jaemin

nationalized boyfriend ☭: Hyuck be quiet we had to have an assembly about you in middle school

dongsucc: i was young, foolish

nationalized boyfriend ☭: It was in 8th grade

nationalized boyfriend ☭: And it was because you kept stealing everyone’s food from their backpack

dongsucc: not my fault the school doesn’t know how to support a growing boy

nationalized boyfriend ☭: We had fruit available???? Every day?????

mork: I always forget y’all went to middle school together

nationalized boyfriend ☭: Darkest years of my life

dongsucc: u were literally class president

dongsucc: mr popular

nationalized boyfriend ☭: You know my name, not my story

jeNo: LMAO

injun: that meme has been dead for so long

nationalized boyfriend ☭: It’s a classic

injun: no it’s not????

nationalized boyfriend ☭: Anyway speaking of dark years Donghyuck here had emo bangs and work an MCR sweatshirt every day

dongsucc: i won’t deny it but im not proud of it

injun: it’s ok donghyuck we support you

dongsucc: this is just like a super fucking vulnerable moment for me

nationalized boyfriend ☭: I have pictures

dongsucc: James don’t you dare

injun: james??????

mork: Wow I love our friend James

jeNo: James is my best friend now

dongsucc: let me live challenge: failed

_nationalized boyfriend ☭ has changed their name to James_

James: It’s who I am on the inside

dongsucc: u deserve to be bullied

James: I’m being oppressed because I’m white :(

injun: get used to it

mork: No sympathy from me, man

dongsucc: get fukt

injun: cod just called they want their twelve year old back

James: Cod??? Like the fish???

injun: no,,,,, like call of duty,,,,,,, 

injun: why would i be talking about the fish

dongsucc: actually im 11 so shut the fuck up

mork: We know

-

_Chat with dongsucc_

injun: wait how did you know about the fork ceiling thing

dongsucc: decline to comment

injun: that’s so shady

injun: i’ll find your hidden past, just you wait

dongsucc: oh no, u’ve exposed me

dongsucc: i’m actually the son of the largest crime boss in nyc

dongsucc: i couldn’t handle the violence happening around me so i turned him into the police

injun: acab

dongsucc: we get it, let me tell my story

dongsucc: so i turned him into the police

dongsucc: and to protect me from his ire

dongsucc: and i’ve been in witness protection ever since

injun: i’ve met your parents they’re both lovely

dongsucc: it’s witness protection bitch they’d give me fake parents if i needed them

injun: hmm that’s valid ig

injun: is this the real reason you moved here in the middle of the year in 8th grade

dongsucc: yes

injun: wow i’ve gained so much respect for you

injun: that must’ve been really hard

dongsucc: thank u it’s been a real burden on my mind

injun: yep

dongsucc: ,,,

dongsucc: you know i’m fuckign with u right

injun: YES i KNOW

dongsucc: you definitely believed it a little bit

injun: shut up

dongsucc: make me

injun: gross

-

_Bestiality Bitches and Bukkake_

jeNo: Is anyone in Jones’s math class?

mork: Algebra 2?

jeNo: Honors

mork: Oh dang nice dude

jeNo: It’s really not I’m dying

mork: As the resident junior I may be able to help

mork: Because I took this class last year

mork: No promises

jeNo: _IMG_4641.JPG attached_

mork: Oh dude I remember that!

mork: alright so

-

_Chat with James_

injun: bitches is being so dry rn ugh

James: I can’t entertain you right now I haven’t done any of my history homework and I have it first period tomorrow

injun: lame

-

_Chat with dongsucc_

injun: bitches is so dry

injun: but also i don’t wanna interrupt cause yknow learning ://

injun: hyuck

-

  
  


_MOTHERLAND_

injun: what’s up y’all

Mother Goose: Oh wow I forgot this chat existed

Mother Goose: I still don’t think MOTHERLAND is an appropriate name for a Chinese student union group guys

yangsquared: sux

Mother Goose: Why do I even try

Dijon: What’s up Renjun?

yangsquared: yeah sup bitch

Mother Goose: Yangyang there are freshmen in this group chat

yangsquared: they’re fresh men not fresh boys they better know what bitch means or i’ll have 2 throw hands

Lele: What does bitch mean?

yangsquared: akjsdhakjhfdkajhf

yangsquared: do i really need to give the talk

yangsquared: god ok ive prepared for this deep breaths

injun: yangyang pls shut the fuck up <3

yangsquared: so when a man loves a woman very much

Mother Goose: OK SO 

Mother Goose: STOPPING THAT TRAIN IN THE STATION

Lele: No let him speak

Mother Goose: Chenle we’re two months into the school year I remember freshie health class you’ve definitely had the talk

Lele: fReShIe

Mother Goose: The youth have no respect these days

Dijon: Can y’all hear that?

yangsquared: wot

Dijon: a boomer

Mother Goose: I’m boutta be Murder Goose if you don’t shut your trap

Dijon: Mom a senior is bullying me

yangsquared: upperclassmen threaten violence confirmed????

Dijon: I’m reporting you to the principal AND the police

Mother Goose: Oh no1!! I’m so scared!1!1

yangsquared: i didn’t know they had sarcasm back in the 1950s!

injun: i can’t believe you just scalped kun

Mother Goose: I never get any respect in this house

yangsquared: you never earned it

Mother Goose: I remember when it was just me, Sicheng, and Yukhei in this gc

Mother Goose: Those were the days

Dijon: Sicheng never talks in our gc that sounds dry as hell

_WonWon has removed Dijon_

Mother Goose: Wow the peace and quiet really is incredible

_yangsquared has added Dijon_

Mother Goose: Nvm

yangsquared: wait i have admin

Mother Goose: Yangyang no-

_yangsquared has added 10_

10: what’s this owo

_Mother Goose has removed 10_

Mother Goose: Yangyang I’ll kill you in real life

yangsquard: Oh no1!! I’m so scared!1!1

Mother Goose: This is appropriation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright y'all!! should i include a list of characters/chat names? i know the boiz too well at this point and tho i make a point of trying to include either most of their name in the chat name or introduce them pretty quickly by name i'm still not totally sure if it's clear or anything,,, lemme know


	3. fight! fight! fight! fight!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> spicy time babez

_Bestiality Bitches and Bukkake_

James: A girl on Omegle just asked if I listen to girl in red

James: How do I say yes but no

mork: Isn’t Omegle that site that Donghyuck goes on when he wants to bully guys about their dicks

dongsucc: yes

injun: 1) why are you on omegle

injun: 2) this is what you get for appropriating lesbian culture

James: It’s not my fault that girl in red slaps

James: And Mark did you not have a questionable Omegle childhood???

mork: No?

mork: Bruh how would I ever learn about Omegle in the first place

injun: it’s a rite of passage

dongsucc: a friend is like “hey wanna go on omegle”

injun: and you’re like “what”

dongsucc: and they’re like “dude uve never been on omegle”

injun: and then you go on and see a bunch of crusty dicks 

dongsucc: exactly

dongsucc: johnny is basically ur older brother mark ur telling me he never introduced you to omegle

mork: Nope

mork: Seeing old dudes jerking off just wasn’t really a part of our relationship, if you can believe it

dongsucc: lame

mork: You worry me

James: Guys I said yes and she’s definitely flirting with me

injun: did you tell her you’re not a girl

James: No lol I wanna see where this goes

jeNo: When I voted Jaemin most likely to be a catfish this is what I meant

dongsucc: i still feel like renjun just has that energy

dongsucc: like jaemin will do it for like two minutes and then feel bad and crack

dongsucc: jun would let it go on because he’s evil

injun: wow you think so highly of me

dongsucc: u signed me up for a scientology email list when i lost your ring last year

dongsucc: i’ve tried to unsubscribe TEN TIMES and they still send me emails

injun: remember that assembly we had two weeks ago about forgiveness :((

dongsucc: i slept through it

jeNo: Can confirm, he rested his head in my lap and told me to wake him up if Mark did something embarrassing

mork: WTF Hyuck

dongsucc: i stand by what i said

James: I mean you have to admit

James: Your announcements last year were pretty bad

mork: In basically all sports the seniors make the underclassmen say dumb shit at assemblies! You guys would know that if you actually played sports!

dongsucc: ew

injun: yeah mark who do you take me for

jeNo: I play the same amount of sports as you!!

James: Jocks are gross

injun: you weren’t saying that when you started hooking up with yukhei last year 👀

James: I know you hooked up with him too don’t try to guilt me Renjun

injun: what’s that? i suddenly can’t read sorry

dongsucc: implying that you ever could? weak

injun: not all of us can be illiterate all the time like you hyuck!! i need to maintain my gpa!!

James: Shut up guys the girl just started talking dirty to me I’m so uncomfortable

injun: just exit out of the conversation???? it’s so easy

James: .

James: No

injun: you’re disgusting and i hope you know it

-

_MOTHERLAND_

yangsquared: yo does any1 wanna get boba

yangsquared: im still at school

Mother Goose: Why??? Go home??

yangsquared: nah

injun: did i hear boba

Xuxi: I have practice :(

Dijon: I’m always down for boba

yangsquared: sophomore boba squad lezgeddit

yangsquared: guanheng wya

Hendery: Here bitch

Hendery: U said u would meet me in the library 20 minutes ago

yangsquared: woops

yangsquared: you comin for boba tho

Hendery: Of course I’m coming for boba asshole

yangsquared: alrighty dejun renjun guanheng meet me in the foyer in 5?

Dijon: Ye

injun: be there in a sec i gotta pack my shit

Hendery: I’m still mad at u

yangsquared: im not buying you anything

Hendery: Damnit

Lele: WAIT can I come too

Lele: My friends abandoned me and I have like an hour before I have to go to choir :((((

injun: wait you do choir?????

Lele: yEAH

injun: where????

Lele: All American

injun: ah nice

injun: i do southwest boys

Lele: WAIT THATS SO COOL

Lele: I auditioned there but my parents liked All American better

injun: you dodged a bullet

injun: our director’s name is susan and shes actually the devil

Lele: My directors name is Susan too HAHA

Lele: Tho I’m her favorite so she’s very nice hehe

yangsquared: can y’all hurry up pls i wanna have one last sip of boba b4 i die of old age

Hendery: Dude they were bonding u can suffer some other time

yangsquared: it’s been three years since my last sip of water, my hands are shriveled in the desert heat, i can’t remember the cool feeling of water on my parched tongue, moistening my cracked lips with its life giving wetness

Hendery: Sounds like a u problem

-

_MOTHERLAND_

Dijon: Uh Kun

Mother Goose: It’s been 20 minutes

Mother Goose: What did you guys do

Dijon: Well

Dijon: We got our boba

Dijon: And walked to the playground to drink it

Dijon: And we sat down on the swings

Dijon: And uh

Mother Goose: I swear to god do I need to bring an epi pen

Dijon: Well no not exactly

Mother Goose: Somehow I’m not comforted by that

Mother Goose: What even happened?

Lele: RENJUN JUST TRIED TO BITCH SLAP A SEVEN YEAR OLD

Mother Goose: WHAT

Mother Goose: GET OFF YOUR PHONE AND STOP HIM

Dijon: Oh god ok well Guanheng has Renjun by the arm so he’s not going anywhere

Dijon: And the kid is now taunting him from several feet away

Mother Goose: Is this the playground up the hill?

Dijon: Yes

Mother Goose: I’ll be there in one minute

Mother Goose: Please don’t let it escalate

-

_Bestiality Bitches and Bukkake_

James: RENJUN TRIED TO FIGHT A CHILD

injun: SHUT UP JAEMIN

dongsucc: im sorry why is this the first im hearing about this????

dongsucc: why does jaemin know before me?????

James: Well Kun texted me asking if I was at school

James: And then I spammed Dejun until he told me what happened

injun: traitor

injun: i’m removing him from my friends list permanently

James: You almost got into a physical altercation with a 7 year old sit down and be humble

_injun has removed James_

injun: jaemin has also been removed from my friends list permanently

_dongsucc has removed injun_

_dongsucc has added James_

dongsucc: the tea, now

James: Jeno, Mark, get in here

mork: I’m so worried

jeNo: I was writing an essay this better be good

James: Literally read the past ten texts

dongsucc: THE TEA, NOW

James: Ok, ok

James: So according to Dejun it started at infinitea, where Renjun Yangyang Dejun and Guanheng and a freshman got boba

dongsucc: i feel excluded but ok go on

James: And they gave Renjun the wrong order

James: Well, not really

James: They gave him his order but with 25% sweetness

-

_Chat with dongsucc_

injun: I Swear To God I Will Break All Your Bones And Grind Them Into Flour

injun: bitch

injun: bitch

injun: bitch

injun: bitch

injun: bitch

injun: bitch

injun: bitch

injun: bitch

injun: bitch

injun: bitch

injun: donghyuck

injun: donghycuk my best fruend

injun: ADD ME BACK

-

_Bestiality Bitches and Bukkake_

jeNo: Oh lord

James: yes and Renjun didn’t want to make a big deal out of it but it put him in a bad mood because now he’s craving sugar

mork: I ordered boba for him wrong once and I’ve never feared for my life more

James: We’ve all been there

James: Now they decide to walk down to the playground to, I quote, “feel like edgy teens”

dongsucc: felt that

James: And Renjun and Guanheng sit on the swings and Yangyang and Dejun take the slide and the freshman sits on the playstructure

James: Now, it’s 4:30 on a Wednesday afternoon, they didn’t really expect to see any kids and there weren’t any there when they arrived

James: But as they were drinking, a trio of girls walked up

dongsucc: terrifying

\- 

_Chat with jeNo_

injun: jeno add me back

injun: jeno please

injun: jeno

injun: jeno

injun: jeno i swear to god its really hurting my feelings to be left out

injun: jeno please just add me back

-

_Bestiality Bitches and Bukkake_

James: Dejun said they were about 7 but I have no idea what a 7 year old looks like so just imagine three kids

James: And the leader of the trio looks Renjun up and down and just says

James: Who let a little bitch into the playground, aren’t you a little too old to be here

jeNo: WHAT

dongsucc: this cannot be real

dongsucc: jaemin’s fucking with us

James: I swear on my life

James: Why would I lie

dongsucc: to piss off renjun as much as possible

James: You’re not wrong but this is the truth I can send you screenshots

dongsucc: Why didn’t you just send those in the first place???

James: And not be the center of attention?? Who do you take me for

dongsucc: valid, continue

James: So Renjun is shocked, clearly, and the kids just stand there staring at him

James: And hes like “who taught you that bad word”

James: And she’s like “that’s what my mommy says whenever she catches a teenager stealing from our store”

dongsucc: i aspire to be as petty as this infant child

-

_Chat with mork_

injun: marcus you were always my favorite

injun: add me back

injun: mark

injun: mark

injun: add me back

injun: MARK I SWEAR TO GOD

-

_Bestiality Bitches and Bukkake_

James: And Renjun’s like well its not very nice, and i’m not stealing anything

James: And she just rolls her eyes and turns to her friend

James: And is like

James: Is he done yet? I thought playgrounds were for kids, not losers

jeNo: Why are kids so mean

dongsucc: they’re iconic 

James: And Renjun stands up all mad like

James: And she just sighs and is like are you finally leaving? 

James: And Renjun takes a deep breath

James: Dejun, at this point, is texting Kun

dongsucc: booooo

dongsucc: let renjun fight the child

-

_Chat with James_

injun: i hope you know your day of reckoning will soon be here

injun: im not afraid of getting my hands dirty

injun: im not afraid to mess up your pretty little face

injun: ill take a cheese grater to your ass

injun: dont try me

injun: sleep with one eye open, traitor

-

_Bestiality Bitches and Bukkake_

James: And then the girl throws her lollipop stick and it hits Renjun in the face

James: And Guanheng grabs Renjun just as he’s about to make a move on the kid

mork: Oh god

James: And she screams and is like you were about to hit me

James: And Guanhengs like no! and Renjuns like yep you’re lucky he’s here

James: And the girl threatens to call the police

mork: Oh my god

James: And then she bursts into tears

James: And then her older sister finally appears, apparently she was texting as she walked which is why she was so far behind the kids

James: At which point she sees her sister, sees Renjun, and is like what the fuck did you do

dongsucc: fight! fight! fight! fight!

James: And Dejun is like we’re really sorry!! your kid was very rude to my friend 

James: And the sister is like so why is she the one crying

James: And Dejun keeps trying to explain and the girl is mad and then Kun arrives

jeNo: Nice

James: Kun pretty much manages to deescalate the situation and drags Renjun and co away

James: And yeah Renjun got yelled at, the girl got scolded, everyone is fine and the police were not called

dongsucc: damn i wish i had a recording of that

jeNo: That would be so bad for Renjun but yes I would kill for a recording

James: Oh and Yangyang filmed the whole thing

jeNo: WHAT

dongsucc: I NEED THAT VIDEO

mork: Oh god

_dongsucc has added injun_

dongsucc: how does it feel to get shown up by a five year old

_injun has left the chat_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> based on a true story, ur welcome


	4. imcallingthepolice.mp4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter this time!! ive been out protesting so i havent had a lot of time to write!!

_MOTHERLAND_

yangsquared: y’all

yangsquared: i made a remix of the renjun fight video

injun: the indignity of all this

yangsquared: _imcallingthepolice.mp4 attached_

Hendery: LMAO

Hendery: U REALLY DID THAT

Hendery: IM CRYING

yangsquared: thank you i am an artist

injun: this :( is :( bullying :(

Mother Goose: That was surprisingly well edited

yangsquared: i wasnt abt to let my crowning jewel, my masterpiece, my pièce de résistance be shittily edited

yangsquared: i have some self respect, believe it or not

Dijon: YNAGYANG KLJHDDFH

Dijon: Bro that’s the best thing I’ve ever seen

yangsquared: >:)

WonWon: Ngl I laughed

yangsquared: :0000

yangsquared: everyone else can go home ive reached nirvana

yangsquared: the validation, it’s so fresh, so exciting

Xuxi: DUDE THAT WAS SO GOOD

Xuxi: I’m sad I missed it HAHA

yangsquared: that’s what you get for being too athletic

Xuxi: :(

yangsquared: jk ily bro

Hendery: 👀👀

injun: 👀

Dijon: 👀

yangsquared: wot

Hendery: The last time I sent a sad face you photoshopped a picture of me smiling into a frowny face and it still haunts my dreams

yangsquared: we’ve already established this m8 i am an artist

Hendery: 👀alright

Lele: IM LATE BUT IM CRYING YANGYNAG U GOD

yangsquared: omg the freshie likes my work

yangsquared: i love making an impression on the impressionable youth

Lele: My new idol :’)

Mother Goose: Please no

Mother Goose: I already have to deal with Yangyang

yangsquared: stfu old man you adopted me by choice and i have brought nothing but light into your life

yangsquared: it was cold and dark and BORING b4 i got here have some respect

Mother Goose: I miss those days…

yangsquared: im disowning you

yangsquared: youre not even my real dad

-

_Bestiality Bitches and Bukkake_

dongsucc: its been 10 minutes do you guys think he’s sulked enough

jeNo: He hates feeling left out more than he hates being bullied add him back

mork: I hate to agree with Jeno on this but he’s right

_dongsucc has added injun_

injun: i’m adding yall back to my friends list my other friends have failed me

James: What did they do

injun: yangyang remixed my suffering

dongsucc: god i love that man

injun: ew gay

dongsucc: im bi

dongsucc: also, ur the only one of us thats gold star gay renjun

injun: gold star has weird connotations with biphobic lesbians dont lump me in with that crowd

dongsucc: o shit my deepest apologies

dongsucc: my point still stands

injun: i can be gay and homophobic i have that range

jeNo: Can we please talk about this remix???? Where can I get it????

dongsucc: im already texting dejun

injun: i think ive gone through all five stages of grief in the last 12 hours

injun: im finally at peace, ive reached acceptance

dongsucc: renjun? having chill? bitch where?

injun: nvm ive returned to anger

dongsucc: there’s the boy we know and love!!

injun: ew gay

James: STFU Renjun accept the affection

James: We love you, bitch

jeNo: Yes!! We do!!!

mork: Yeah dude!

injun: what is this feeling

injun: something is,,, weird inside of my chest

dongsucc: guys he’s experiencing something besides rage and apathy!! our little boy is growing up

injun: i also sometimes experience annoyance god do you even know me donghyuck

James: People generally call that feeling in your chest joy, Injun

injun: disgusting

injun: do it again

-

_Chat with Dijon_

dongsucc: i heard yangyang made a remix of the video

dongsucc: i need to see it

dongsucc: please

Dijon: Where did you hear that???

Dijon: Sorry dude I’m not gonna expose Renjun like that lol

Dijon: It would be really embarrassing if it got out

dongsucc: oh dude i know

dongsucc: he’s one of my best friends i wouldn’t do that to him

dongsucc: he’s actually the one that told us about it

Dijon: Oh really?

dongsucc: yeah

Dijon: One sec

-

_Chat with injun_

Dijon: Are you friends with Donghyuck?

Dijon: I mean I know you are I’ve seen you guys hanging out and all that

Dijon: But like

Dijon: Good friends

Dijon: Trust

injun: oh god he’s asking about the video isn’t he

injun: yeah he's one of my best friends lmao

Dijon: I won’t send it if you’re not ok with it!

injun: nah it’s chill

injun: i trust him

injun: even if he’s a bit of a bitch sometimes

-

_Chat with dongsucc_

Dijon: _imcallingthepolice.mp4 attached_

Dijon: There you go

dongsucc: sfhslahf thank u

dongsucc: damn this is really well edited

-

_Bestiality Bitches and Bukkake_

dongsucc: confirmed, i am the breadwinner of this family

James: We were having soft hours what did you even do

dongsucc: _imcallingthepolice.mp4 attached_

James: Soft hours cancelled LMAO

mork: Renjun she is half your size and you’re definitely the loser of that fight 

injun: little kids are savages!!! and i didn’t want to be too mean to her!!! shes a kid!!

jeNo: I keep replaying the part where the lollipop stick just

jeNo: Hits Renjun on the nose

James: The beat drop really adds to its overall feeling

James: It hits different

mork: I didn’t know that Yangyang was into music? He did a really good job with the audio especially considering he pretty much just sampled you guys

injun: oh yeah thats how yangyang and kun originally became friends

injun: they did the music production elective together

injun: i think they still work on tracks together sometimes??

mork: Dang that’s hella cool

mork: Like I wish I had a music buddy

dongsucc: im sure ull have ur cinderella moment sometime

mork: I can only hope

jeNo: Yangyang should start a youtube channel

jeNo: Or something

jeNo: I literally have tears in my eyes I’ve been laughing so hard

injun: ive told him that but he always just says hes too lazy!! its annoying!!

James: I’m starting a petition on Change.org

mork: I’ll sign

dongsucc: same

injun: yes

jeNo: Yeah!!

-

_MOTHERLAND_

Lele: Uhh guys

Lele: I think this dude on my minecraft server just confessed that his dad

Lele: Actually idk how to say this

Lele: Lemme just

Lele: 

Lele: 

Hendery: HWAT THE FUCK

Hendery: What kinda mc servers r u playing on

yangsquared: and how can i join

Mother Goose: Yangyang no

yangsquared: Yangyang yes

Dijon: Are we just gonna ignore that this dude fully admitted his dad was hoarding wealth in offshore accounts?????

Xuxi: The Panama Papers got released 4 years ago and basically nothing happened idk what we’re supposed to do

Dijon: Well that’s depressing

Dijon: Wait Chenle do you have any of his other socials

Lele: He’s on the server discord??

Hendery: I have an idea

Mother Goose: You’re not allowed to catfish him

Hendery: I no longer have an idea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i do, in fact, have a plot in mind, its just taking a second to ~take shape~  
> is there anyone y'all wanna see next chapter?? shall i introduce someone from 127,,, perhaps???


	5. ten’s furry troop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some new boys for all y'all ;)

_10 has created a chat with Jisung, WonWon, jeNo, tyong, Dad(dy), Hendery, and yoot_

_10 has named the chat ten’s furry troop_

yoot: How many times have I had to tell you ten catgirls are not furries

10: first of all you’re wrong second of all stop traumatizing the kids

10: hello everyone! you all signed up for the dance team and passed the audition!

10: i’m ten i’m a senior and the captain of this team

_Dad(dy) has changed their name to Dad_

Dad: Sorry for that y’all

Dad: I’m Johnny, senior

tyong: hello!! i’m taeyong, senior!!

yoot: I’m Yuta, senior, y’all agree with me I’m right

Dad: I’m gonna have to side with Ten here, sorry

10: god thank you

10: ik im right but he’s SO persistent

yoot: I’m right here bitch

10: don’t fucking swear

jeNo: Hi everyone!! I’m Jeno, I’m a sophomore!!

Hendery: O shit sorry fam I just found my phone

Hendery: I’m Guanheng

Hendery: Sophomore

WonWon: Sicheng, Junior

Hendery: That’s the most u’ve texted in the past month Sicheng

Hendery: Where r u when our gc is dead, huh???

WonWon: You’re interrupting the introductions, be quiet

Hendery: Hasn’t everyone been introduced??

Jisung: Uhh not quite

Hendery: Oh shoot sorry man!!

Hendery: Go on ahead

Jisung: I’m jisung, I’m a freshman

10: babey!!!

yoot: A child

Hendery: Vine is dead and so is that meme

Jisung: .

_Jisung has changed their name to babey_

10: ajksfhashflalfhsdalf i'm keeping you

yoot: Siri what’s the best way to dispose of a body

Dad: Vine lives on be quiet kiddo

Hendery: Uve only been my dad for like five minutes and ur already telling me what to do, rude

Dad: Sorry its the law, I’m legally your dad now, go mow the lawn

Hendery: Have you seen the price of real estate these days??? I don’t have a lawn

Dad: Doesn’t matter

Dad: find some grass, mow it

10: johnny stop adopting the underclassmen

10: ok so before this descends into complete chaos

yoot: Too late

10: i just wanna go over what being a part of the dance team means as a refresher

10: if you have a conflict that means you can’t participate, better we know now than later!

Dad: Wow look at you being all responsible

yoot: i didn’t know he had it in him

tyong: guys!! let ten talk!!!

10: taeyong is my only real friend yuta and johnny are fake

10: anyways

10: we function as an extension of the dance program for dancers that are already skilled and that want more specific, student based instruction and collaboration 

10: you don’t get course credits for participating, sorry y’all

10: we have to put on a minimum of three performances at each dance concert (one per semester for the freshie)

10: we meet at minimum three times a week, though the timing is flexible because we’re halfway between a club and a sport, basically

10: it’s like an acapella group but sexy

Dad: Very professional except for the end, good specificity, lively tone, I’d give it an 8/10

yoot: i appreciate the splitting up of what could’ve been a big block of text, that added to the readability, but i didn’t appreciate the tangents sprinkled in throughout and your beginning was terrible 7/10

tyong: nice job!! 9/10

Hendery: Is this,,, a thing?

Dad: Yes

Hendery: Oh ok

Hendery: 10/10 I skimmed the brochure now I feel like I actually know what I signed up for

10: thank u thank u i try my best

jeNo: 10/10 I liked it!! It was well written!!

10: notice how the sophs gave me 10/10s 

10: y’all are just salty

Dad: They’re just intimidated because you’re a senior I wouldn’t read into it too much

10: rude

jeNo: Wait one question tho!!

jeNo: I’m doing swim team right now

jeNo: And practices are sorta flexible but I have to swim five times a week

jeNo: Is that ok?

10: oh yeah dude don’t worry

10: we’re not like the theater program, we can work around your commitments

jeNo: Ok cool!!

10: chengie dont think i havent noticed how quiet youve been i need to see a rating on my intro speech

10: jisung too

WonWon: 8/10 I liked the intro but didn’t like when you called me Chengie I have a reputation to uphold

10: thank u chengie

WonWon: >:(

babey: I liked the intro, 9/10

10: thanks baby

10: what knocked a point off tho

babey: I’m... not good at sexy

10: you’re a freshman youre not supposed to be sexy dont worry

10: actually if anyone tells you to be sexy tell me and i’ll make them disappear

10: the sexy’s mainly for me johnny yuta and yong yknow

10: the rest of yall can be cool or smth

Hendery: What if I want to be sexy tho???

10: sorry man senior privileges

10: ur time will come

Hendery: Damn

tyong: wait before we get distracted why doesn’t everyone say their favorite type of dancing? 

tyong: it’ll be helpful to get that out of the way now so we have an easier time assigning groups and all that

Dad: Momma Taeyong strikes again!

yoot: I don’t think Taeyong knows how to not instantly mom everyone

yoot: He just sees a group of people and is just like instantly pulling out snacks for everyone

tyong: you guys are babies when you’re hungry someone has to do it

10: wow yong’s just coming for my captain position like that

10: i spent years working my way up the corporate ladder, doing thankless work

10: day in and out

10: working overtime, weekends, sacrificing my time and relationships all for the good of this company

10: and this random upstart comes in and steals my thunder?????

10: usurps my position in one single second

10: no remorse, as im left behind trapped in the grinding gears of bureaucracy

Hendery: U remind me a lot of my friend Yangyang wow

10: yanyang? i taught him everything he knows

10: but taeyong’s kinda right, as much as i hate it

10: i can do pretty much any style of dance honestly

10: i was originally trained with urban dance in mind but i’ve got experience with ballet and contemporary

WonWon: I’m trained in Chinese traditional dance so I’m best with ballet/contemporary type dance

tyong: urban and hip hop for me

yoot: I can bboy I’m also good with urban and hip hop

Dad: Yeah urban for me

jeNo: I’ve done mainly urban in the past but this past year my friend has been dragging me to some ballet classes so I’ve got experience there too 

Hendery: Hip hop is my 1 tru love

babey: I’m good at hip hop and popping and locking and stuff

10: alright thanks everyone

10: i feel like we need to get together and feel the energy before we decide anything for real, but good start!

Dad: Nice work team

yoot: Shall we do a furry troop team lunch tomorrow?

Hendery: I forgot the chat name for a second and was so confused

yoot: Good

tyong: im down for a team lunch

Dad: Taeyong has a free lunch period? What is this witchcraft

tyong: i actually don’t but i’d rather come to this than go to philosophy club

10: wow ;) good ;) to ;) know ;) you ;) like ;) us ;) better ;)

yoot: Ten don’t do that challenge

-

_chuck e cheez cummies_

10: wow i have so much restraint the underclassmen are so lucky

yoot: You named the chat ‘ten’s furry troop’

10: Wow I Have So Much Restraint The Underclassmen Are So Lucky

Dad: Honestly I expected far worse

Dad: When we added you to this gc it took two minutes for you to start uwu roleplaying with taeil

phattest b: you say that like it’s a bad thing?

yoot: We get it Taeil, you’re secretly a freaky bitch

10: secretly???? lmao

doot: wow! how to unsee something!

yoot: That was so cursed thanks Ten

doot: my eyes are burning

10: oml i forgot about the matching usernames

yoot: yes and?

10: dongyoung and yuta

10: sitting in a tree

doot: do not

Dad: F U C K I N G

doot: i’d honestly rather die

yoot: Rude

yoot: I’d smash me

10: we know

yoot: Not my fault I’m a catch

Dad: Don’t people think you’re a couple when you get added to group chats?

yoot: No?????

Dad: Alright so they do but they don’t say it

yoot: It’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make

yoot: For He <3

_doot has changed their username to i hate yuta_

i hate yuta: bye bitch

yoot: I’m so hurt

yoot: Did our love mean nothing

i hate yuta: yes

10: this is 2 confusing for me please i keep thinking dongyoung is yuta

_i hate yuta has changed their username to skinny_

10: people stopped saying skinny in like 2017 ur not funny

skinny: omg kween slay ✨

10: back up im gonna vomit

-

_Bestiality Bitches and Bukkake_

jeNo: Remember when I signed up for the dance team thing?

dongsucc: how could i forget

injun: you talked about it for like

James: Two weeks straight

mork: Did

mork: Did you guys plan that

dongsucc: :)

jeNo: Alright wow I’m sensing some salt

injun: that's just our natural state

dongsucc: call that marination

injun: what about the dance team thing?

jeNo: Oh yeah

jeNo: Well I passed the audition!!

dongsucc: proud of u boo

jeNo: And I got added to the group chat

jeNo: And

jeNo: Well first of all it’s called ‘ten’s furry troop’

injun: oml ten the senior?

injun: i’m pretty sure he got added to the chinese gc for like one second a bit ago

jeNo: Yep Ten the senior

jeNo: He and the rest of the upperclassmen are like, good friends and it’s intimidating

jeNo: Like I know Hendery and I’ve talked to Sicheng in passing before 

jeNo: But I’m not really close to anyone in there?

jeNo: Idk whether to be excited or stressed

mork: That sounds cool man!

mork: The upperclassmen are all pretty chill

mork: And that’s a good way to make friends!

dongsucc: that sounds really fun actually

dongsucc: don’t be stressed jeno ur like the most likeable of any of us

James: Rude

dongsucc: shut up jeams this isn’t about u

injun: JEAMS

jeNo: JEAMS

mork: JEAMS

_James has changed their name to JEAMS_

dongsucc: everyday life is nothing but suffering 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any chat with ten and yuta is going to be cursed i don't make the rules sorry
> 
> n e ways do y'all prefer the memey chat names or the ones using their real names? i'm constantly torn between readability or like,, That Good Shit™


	6. impregnated goku

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: see the v is the chat for kun, sicheng, guanheng, dejun, and yangyang (no ten or yukhei rip)

_see the v ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_

yangsquared: yo guanheng where tf are you

yangsquared: did you die?????

yangsquared: as your best friend im legally obligated 2 take vengeance :/// kinda messes up my plans :/// i have a math test tmr ://// i need 2 study :////

Dijon: I’m his best friend???? You’re wrong?????

Dijon: Also stop texting we’re having a study lunch

yangsquared: he likes me better

yangsquared: and no

yangsquared: i’ve studied enough

Dijon: I’ve literally known him since he was a baby

Dijon: And it’s been 10 minutes

Dijon: You looked at your notes once

yangsquared: im happy 4 u

yangsquared: i’m still his best friend

yangsquared: and be quiet i know about radicals we learned this last year

WonWon: Get off your phones Kun’s got a quiz for apush and I think he’s about to have an aneurysm

yangsquared: its my god given right as an american to be as annoying as i want dont tell me what to do 

WonWon: You forget I’m not an American citizen

WonWon: Greencard bitch

WonWon: I’ll tell you what to do whenever I feel like it

yangsquared: mom the chinese government’s oppressing me

Hendery: O shit sorry y’all I forgot to tell u guys I’m having lunch with the dance team

Hendery: Have fun studying

Dijon: Wow

yangsquared: ok so guanheng is no longer my best friend

Dijon: Same here

Dijon: Abandoning us for the dance team? That’s low

yangsquared: hello dejun

yangsquared: i notice you’re in need of a best friend ;)

Dijon: Why yes I am… Are you interested in that position

yangsquared: in fact i am,,,, i’m well qualified too

Dijon: Oh really? Tell me about your strengths

yangsquared: im very personable and friendly,,, good with customer service,,, i’m also well versed with google applications and am a skilled video editor

yangsquared: i think i’ll make a great addition to your team

Dijon: Well with a resume like that how could I say no?

WonWon: Like this

WonWon: No

yangsquared: rude??? i’m trying to roleplay a job interview with my best friend dejun???? and you interrupt like that??? not even in character???

Mother Goose: Guys.

Dijon: Oh fuck he’s pissed

Mother Goose: If you guys don’t get off your phones I’m not driving you anywhere for the next two weeks.

Mother Goose: Now let’s study everyone.

Mother Goose: :)

-

_ten’s furry troop_

10: 

yoot: ALKSJLKASHFJKHAJ

Dad: That's the meme wanted to show us

Dad: That you spent TEN FULL MINUTES scrolling through your camera roll for

jeNo: I’m in so much emotional pain because of that thanks Ten

10: listen this is team bonding

Hendery: It feels more like hazing

Hendery: Mom can you please pick me up

10: shared trauma creates a bond between those that experienced it

10: y’all are welcome

yoot: We get it, you took Psych

10: i absolutely fucking destroyed psych for you information

10: i was the best student there

Dad: I heard one of the seniors last year didn’t even write a final essay and still got a 98

Dad: It’s not a very high bar

10: im going to piss in your mouth as you sleep

tyong: how are you guys friends

Dad: I ask myself that every day

10: it’s because im extremely hot and funny and interesting

Dad: Alright dear

-

_Chat with babey_

jeNo: Hey!

jeNo: You were really quiet at the team lunch

jeNo: Everything ok?

babey: Oh

babey: Uh don’t worry

babey: I’m just shy

babey: Meeting new people is stressful

jeNo: Oh yeah I know the feeling

jeNo: Freshman year was really hard for me because I didn’t have anyone from my middle school coming with me

jeNo: And I’d gone to a K-8 school, so I never really had to make new friends until Freshman year

babey: Yeah

babey: Though I can’t imagine you being shy?

babey: Idk you just were really nice and funny at the lunch

babey: You didn’t seem nervous at all

jeNo: I’ve gotten better at meeting new people :)

jeNo: It helps that I made really good friends

jeNo: They’ve helped me out of my shell

babey: Haha nice

jeNo: Yeah!!

jeNo: Do you have plans after school today?

babey: Uh

babey: Just going home

jeNo: Wanna go to Whole Foods?

jeNo: I’m lowkey craving a Yerba Mate

babey: I’ll need to ask my dad

babey: He normally picks me up

jeNo: No pressure!!

jeNo: Where are you in the city?

jeNo: If you need a ride my friend Mark has a car

jeNo: We’d just need to wait for him to finish basketball practice

babey: I’m in the outer sunset

jeNo: Wait dude I am too

jeNo: Mark lives a bit more north but he drives me home all the time you’re definitely not out of the way

babey: Oh

babey: Alright

babey: Cool

jeNo: Yeah!

jeNo: Meet in the foyer after last period?

babey: Yeah that sounds good

babey: And uh

babey: Thanks

jeNo: Of course!! :))

-

_Chat with mork_

jeNo: Hey can you drive me and a freshman home today?

mork: Sure

mork: Who’s the freshman?

jeNo: His names Jisung

jeNo: He’s a part of the dance team

mork: Oh cool

mork: Where does he live?

jeNo: Outer sunset

jeNo: Not sure of the exact address

mork: Oh sweet thats right on the way

jeNo: Ik!!

-

_Chat with Xuxi_

jeNo: I’m skipping practice

jeNo: Tell Coach I’m sick?

Xuxi: Course man

jeNo: Thank you!!

jeNo: I’m sending him an email but I think he’ll be more chill if you say something too haha

Xuxi: Yeah

Xuxi: Coach is always on my ass about skipping I got you lmao

-

_Bestiality Bitches and Bukkake_

jeNo: Guys I’m

jeNo: Askldfhslks

injun: holy shit jeno just key smashed

injun: what happened??

dongsucc: something just fell out of alignment out in the universe oml jeno

jeNo: I didn’t know how else to express myself

injun: we’ll make a gay of you yet

JEAMS: Aren’t you supposed to be at practice??

jeNo: Shhh

jeNo: I’m skipping

dongsucc: WHAT

jeNo: Yeah??

injun: omg jeno what happened

JEAMS: Who are you and what did you do with my friend

jeNo: Guys I’ve skipped before

jeNo: I’m not that boring

dongsucc: sounds fake but ok

jeNo: >:(

jeNo: Anyways

jeNo: I’m at Whole Foods with this freshman Jisung right?

dongsucc: feeling excluded and sad

jeNo: I spend all day with you be quiet

dongsucc: RUDE

dongsucc: but also spill i want to know whats got u keysmashing

jeNo: Alright damn

jeNo: I’m out with Jisung and he’s really quiet most of the time

jeNo: So I’ve been just chatting to him

dongsucc: jeno?? carrying a conversation???? 

jeNo: You were the one who wanted to hear my story stop interrupting

dongsucc: u right sorry

jeNo: And at one point I’m like ‘oh yeah my grade was really dramatic from the beginning’

jeNo: And I ask him if there’s any freshman drama

jeNo: And he just kinda looks down and shrugs

jeNo: Then he says ‘I don’t really know, I’m not, like, close with anyone in my grade so people don’t really tell me things’

jeNo: AND HE GOT ALL SAD

jeNo: Anyways he’s in the bathroom rn but I’m adopting him

JEAMS: AKSDASH

JEAMS: I’ve never met him but he’s my son now

JEAMS: Invite him to sit with us at lunch

jeNo: I will

jeNo: He’s just kinda squirrely and nervous

jeNo: He’s like a mouse

dongsucc: as long as he’s not an asshole im down to adopt him

injun: same

injun: he can be an honorary sophomore

jeNo: I don’t know if he can handle that lmao

jeNo: The diamond life isnt for everyone

jeNo: And he’s a babey

dongsucc: i always wanted a freshman disciple to teach my ways

injun: you're not jesus why do you need disciples

dongsucc: u don’t know that

injun: so you’re the son of a mafia boss in witness protection AND the reincarnation of jesus christ????

injun: sounds fake to me

JEAMS: Can we circle back to the son of a mafia boss in witness protection

JEAMS: Did I miss something

dongsucc: it’s my tragic backstory

dongsucc: to make me sympathetic as a character so i can get away with being an asshole for no reason

injun: you get away with being an asshole for no reason even without the tragic backstory

dongsucc: rude

dongsucc: see the difference between me and u is that at least im charming, asshole

injun: charm me then 

dongsucc: ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ suck my dick ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ 

injun: hard pass

dongsucc: ur loss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am. so sorry i had to subject you to tens's meme but it was causing me emotional pain and so y'all have to see it too


	7. crossdressing looking more appealing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen i know it's june but i miss halloween and in this fic they're two months into the school year so it makes sense shut up

_ Bestiality Bitches and Bukkake _

JEAMS: Guys I just realized Halloween is in like two weeks

JEAMS: And we haven’t coordinated a costume

dongsucc: wait what the fuck

dongsucc: wydm halloween is in two weeks

JEAMS: I mean it’s mid october

JEAMS: Halloween is in two weeks

injun: wait sorry i feel like im not understanding something

injun: halloween is when?

JEAMS: Two weeks

injun: two what?

JEAMS: Weeks

injun: weeks? how many?

mork: Wait what was Jaemin saying

injun: he was talking about halloween

JEAMS: Which is two weeks away

mork: Lol you’re funny Jaemin

JEAMS: Check todays date whore

jeNo: Wait Halloween is when

JEAMS: ITS IN TWO WEEKS GUYS SHUT UP

dongsucc: what was that? sorry i couldn’t hear u

JEAMS: This is a written conversation

mork: Ok ok we do actually need to figure out a costume tho

dongsucc: i’m still in denial sorry

injun: same

JEAMS: Get better soon

dongsucc: i’ll try 💔

jeNo: I mean we did sexy minecraft last year that was funny

mork: I’m not willing to see Hyuck in a miniskirt again

dongsucc: excuse you my ass is juicy and looks extremely good in a miniskirt

jeNo: I’m gonna side with Mark here it won’t have the same shock value as last year

jeNo: Unless we wanna make crossdressing for Halloween our thing

injun: i mean id be down

injun: it worked for me last year ;)

dongsucc: gross

JEAMS: Eh it was funny but I was freezing when we went out

JEAMS: If we’re gonna trick or treat before we crash a party I’m not willing to have my midriff exposed

injun: ugh fine

jeNo: We could go as cursed kids shows?

jeNo: Like Barney and Teletubbies that sort of thing

mork: Dude that would be great

mork: Unfortunately some of the seniors did it last year

injun: wait who

mork: Johnny, Ten, and Yuta

jeNo: Why am I not surprised

mork: It was weird dude

mork: Like I went to Johnny’s party and

mork: Well

mork: It was horrifying

JEAMS: Oh yeah I forgot you ditched us last year >:(

mork: Listen freshmen aren’t allowed to be invited to good parties you guys know that

mork: And it was early last year we weren’t rlly close yet

JEAMS: I hate when you make sense

dongsucc: wait do you have any pictures from johnny’s

dongsucc: every time i see something from one of his parties i just,,,

mork: Oh dude

mork: I have the best picture

mork: One sec

jeNo: I’m so worried

mork: 

dongsucc: KSJDHASJDHA

injun: HWAT THE FUCK

jeNo: STOP

JEAMS: kinda iconic

dongsucc: god yeah we really can’t compare

injun: crossdressing looking more appealing?

mork: No

jeNo: There’re five of us

jeNo: What else are there five of?

JEAMS: One direction members

dongsucc: spice girls

mork: The Incredibles?

injun: scooby doo gang

jeNo: Ooh the scooby doo gang would be cool

jeNo: And there’s a mix of male and female characters so Renjun won’t be salty

injun: i knew there was a reason jeno’s my favorite

dongsucc: i call daphne

mork: Oh god

injun: velma’s mine

JEAMS: Fred

mork: Wait

mork: Ugh I’ll be Shaggy I guess

jeNo: Ruh roh

JEAMS: Omg Jeno you’re gonna be so cute as Scooby

mork: Wait is everyone gonna be able to pull together a costume by Halloween?

jeNo: I’ll be good

jeNo: I just need some dog ears and a collar

jeNo: I’ll just wear them with a brown hoodie

injun: hyuck, thrifting?

dongsucc: ofc

JEAMS: Wait can I come

JEAMS: I don’t have the right shirt for Fred

mork: I’m coming too

mork: I don’t have any Shaggy clothes

jeNo: Well then I’m coming too

injun: damn y’all rlly crashing hyuck and my date huh

dongsucc: rude guys

jeNo: That’s what you get for planning something in the groupchat

mork: D ate???

injun: anyways group thrifting hell yeah

injun: saturday work for y’all

jeNo: Yeah sure

JEAMS: That works

mork: You guys are really just gonna ignore the date

jeNo: Yeah

JEAMS: Pretty much

-

_ Chat with injun _

dongsucc: i just realized how long it’s been since we spent time together 1 on 1???

dongsucc: remember those brunch dates we would go on last year

dongsucc: we said we were gonna do a weekly one over the summer and we just didn’t lmao

injun: oof yeah whoopsies

injun: we should do one soon tho

injun: just us

dongsucc: ofc

dongsucc: i love the rest of the boiz but u r my partner in crime <3

injun: wow really feeling the love rn

dongsucc: say it back whore

injun: sigh

injun: you’re my partner in crime too <3

dongsucc: thank u

dongsucc: sunday?

dongsucc: meet at the grove for brunch? 11?

injun: ive kinda been craving a joe and the juice smoothie

injun: yknow the pink one

dongsucc: oh shit yeah

dongsucc: so meet at joes then walk to the grove

injun: hell yeah

-

_ see the v ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) _

Mother Goose: has everyone ordered everything we need for the costume?

yangsquared: ye

Hendery: Yep

Dijon: Yeah

WonWon: I still think Sailor Moon is dumb

Hendery: Excuse you it’s iconic

yangsquared: sicheng is boring and hates fun confirmed

WonWon: If your generation are the future I’m worried

yangsquared: we’re all gen z bitch

WonWon: I hate when you’re right

yangsquared: better get used 2 it sweaty

Mother Goose: Yangyang bullying someone else?

Mother Goose: This feels weird

yangsquared: i have enough space in my heart for all of you <3

Hendery: He’s just agro cause his English teacher told him he’d have to rewrite his romeo and juliet essay

yangsquared: shut! up!

WonWon: Sux

Mother Goose: Oh you have Fernandez right?

Mother Goose: She’s tough

Mother Goose: If you meet with her she’ll help you tho

yangsquared: i hate when you make sense

Mother Goose: better get used 2 it sweaty

yangsquared: IM BEING APPROPRIATED 

-

_ ritalin gang  _ 🤪🤟

10: hello my brethren

yoot: Damn you’re bringing back the og chat

yoot: Bold

10: as always, adhd bitches are the sexiest motherfuckers out there

Dad: I mean you’re not wrong

10: uwu thank u daddy

Dad: I’m still mad at you for adding me to the furry troop with my name as Dad(dy)

Dad: A little bit of warning would’ve been nice

10: what’s the fun in that tho

Dad: Not traumatizing the underclassmen

10: lame

10: ANYWAYS

10: halloween

10: what are we doing

yoot: Oh god its coming up isnt it

yoot: I’ve been too stressed with apps and shit to even think about it

Dad: Same

10: johnny you’re throwing right?

Dad: Yeah my mom and dad will be gone for the weekend

10: hell yeah

yoot: We need to top last year

yoot: Teletubbies was funny

yoot: But this is our last year

10: a concept

10: the plastics

yoot: From mean girls??

10: yes

Dad: You’ve seen me in a skirt

Dad: It’s not cute

10: wait why don’t we get the whole squad involved

yoot: Please never say squad again

-

_ chuck e cheez cummies _

10: guys who wants to do a mean girls group costume

phattest b: i call karen

10: i want gretchen

skinny: im janice

Dad: Damien

yoot: I guess I’m Regina

10: wait do we want a cady?

yoot: I feel like we need one to complete the squad

Dad: But we need a guy to keep the theme

Dad: And our grade is half super masc guys

skinny: one sec

-

_ Chat with tyong _

skinny: yongieeeee

tyong: whats up?

skinny: do you already have a halloween costume picked out

tyong: halloween is soon?

tyong: ive been so busy i havent thought about it

skinny: are your friends doing a group costume?

tyong: we haven’t talked about it?

skinny: ok perfect

skinny: would you be down to be cady heron in the mean girls squad

tyong: oml

tyong: sure

skinny: fuck yes

-

_ chuck e cheez cummies _

_ skinny has added tyong _

10: dongyoung you genius

10: twink supreme makes a perfect cady

tyong: stop calling me twink supreme

10: no

Dad: Damn Dongyoung you really just recruited our fearless leader like that?

yoot: Nothing but respect for my president

skinny: ik ik im great

tyong: akfha guys im the student body president its not a big deal

Dad: It’s a big deal you’ve already been better than like all of the other presidents

Dad: Like we knew you would

yoot: You actually managed to pass the new attendance policy we’ve been trying to get that through for like my entire high school experience

tyong: i just talked to the administration

Dad: You’re the golden boy of our grade, accept it

tyong: ahh thank you

tyong: wait who is everyone gonna be in mean girls?

yoot: I’m Regina

10: Gretchen

phattest b: Karen

skinny: Janice

Dad: Damien

tyong: why is that actually rlly accurate

10: we’re just intellectuals like that

tyong: shut up ten

10: no <3

skinny: i forgot you guys are still doing the feuding thing

skinny: please move on it’s been two years

10: he actually loves me he just can’t admit it

skinny: just like kun actually loves you?

10: shut up

tyong: what happened with kun?????

10: no one’s allowed to tell him

skinny: they hooked up

10: dongyoung i know where you live

skinny: im a bad bitch you can’t kill me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyways follow me on twt (@southernsalem) to see pictures like the one featured in this chapter a day early (SUPER EXCLUSIVE)


	8. [chanting] ONE OF US

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im. so sorry ive been gone,, the words stopped braining pls hold me in ur prayers,, anyways here's a short chapter hopefully ill update tomorrow 💔

_ Chat with mork _

injun: i know it’s been a hot second since we talked about this but you??? made out with jaehyun???? i thought he was straight

mork: Dude it wasn’t that big of a deal lmao

mork: One of the girls suggested we play spin the bottle

mork: I ended up getting paired with Jaehyun one time

injun: and he was like why not

injun: that’s not very hetero of him

mork: I mean there was some pressure because two of the girls had made out

injun: ahhh

injun: so it was still a weird horny straight boy thing

injun: you just had to indulge the weird horny straight girls

mork: Pretty much

injun: wait how good of a kisser is he

injun: i need to know for medical reasons

mork: What medical reasons

injun: my health, markie

injun: don’t you care about me

mork: Listen I get that you’ve been thirsting over Jaehyun for like a year now

mork: But no

injun: ok thirsting is a strong word

mork: I was with your group for orientation

mork: Jaehyun stood up in front of the group and you literally turned to me and said “I wanna choke on his dick”

injun: i was young and foolish

mork: You didn’t even know me!!

mork: I was just a random sophomore!!

injun: listen sometimes you just see a guy and want to choke on his dick

mork: You didn’t need to share with the class

injun: yes i did

injun: why are you repressing me

mork: Someone needs to

injun: that’s so incredibly rude wow

injun: and you have to admit jaehyun could get it

mork: Please stop talking

injun: im just saying!!! his thighs,,,,

mork: I’m blocking you

-

_ Bestiality Bitches and Bukkake _

injun: rt if you think it’s homophobic that mark won’t tell me about making out with jaehyun

mork: Literally no

JEAMS: Renjun please it’s 9 am

dongsucc: rt

mork: Shut up Donghyuck

dongsucc: injun’s been aggressively thirsting over jaehyun for literally his entire high school experience i think it’s better just to indulge him

injun: im not that thirsty guys

jeNo: Remember my birthday party last year

injun: yes what about it

jeNo: You promised we would chill but you ditched me to go “hang out” with Yukhei after like ten minutes

injun: i was just trying to get to know people from other grades smh don't you want me to have friends

dongsucc: if what i walked in on is ur idea of being friends there’s something very wrong with our relationship

injun: shut!

jeNo: Wait I’ve walked in on Renjun too how many of us has this happened to

mork: Me

JEAMS: Me

dongsucc: me

injun: .

injun: sorry?

-

_ Chat with babey _

jeNo: I think I see you at the entrance to the caf come stand with me!! I’m a little further in in the line

babey: Won’t people get mad at me for cutting?

jeNo: You’re a baby they don’t care

jeNo: Also the seniors cut all the time people don’t bother them

babey: I mean they are seniors 

jeNo: Yes but you’re cute now come! Stand with me!

babey: Alright alright I’m coming!!

-

_ Chat with jeNo _

JEAMS: Is the freshman sitting with us the same one you skipped practice for?

jeNo: Yeah

jeNo: I really meant it when I said I’m adopting him!!

JEAMS: Oh no I fully get it 10/10 agree he’s cute he’s just so quiet and looks uncomfortable :/

jeNo: He’s shy :/ he kinda freezes up around new people once you get to know him he’s actually pretty loud

JEAMS: Ohh oki

JEAMS: What’s some stuff he likes I wanna try to get him to talk to me

jeNo: He plays a lot of video games? Overwatch and WOW I think? He likes Marvel too

JEAMS: Oh hell yes 

-

_ Chat with dongsucc _

injun: is it just me or does the kid look a little scared of jaemin

dongsucc: he did just go on a very passionate rant about spiderman found family

injun: yeah that was a lot

injun: i dont know how i didn’t realize that jaemin was a tony stark fanboy

dongsucc: the more u know

dongsucc: wait jisung just said something

injun: oh shit is he also a tony stark fanboy???

dongsucc: this isn’t going to be good is it

injun: no i don’t think so

-

  
  


_ Bestiality Bitches and Bukkake _

_ jeNo has added babey _

dongsucc: one of us

injun: one of us!

JEAMS: One of us!

mork: ONE OF US

jeNo: ONE OF US!

babey: Oh hi

babey: Is this your guys group chat?

dongsucc: u know it

injun: congrats freshie you’ve made it past the hazing phase you’re part of the squad now

babey: Hazing?

jeNo: Renjun is weird don’t listen to him

injun: RUDE

jeNo: This group started out as just me, him, and Jaemin and we’d all eat lunch together

jeNo: Then Hyuck started sitting with us and he got added to the gc

jeNo: Then Mark started sitting with us and he got added

dongsucc: what jeno’s taking FOREVER to say is that u eat with us ur stuck with us

babey: Oh cool

JEAMS: You know it ;)

babey: Does that mean I can sit with you guys tomorrow?

-

_ Chat with JEAMS _

jeNo: AKSDHASHF HES SO CUTE

jeNo: HES A BABY

JEAMS: IM ADOPTING HIM

-

_ Bestiality Bitches and Bukkake _

JEAMS: YES ofc you’re one of us now

babey: Yay

babey: Uh

babey: Thank you guys

-

_ Donkis Konkis _

injun: anyways i can’t believe im a father now

dongsucc: i thought u were gay who did u get pregnant

injun: ALKJFSH WHAT

dongsucc: oh r u the pregnant one

dongsucc: is it a boy or a girl

injun: IM TALKING ABOUT JISUNG

dongsucc: oh cool i thought so

injun: then why did you ask????

dongsucc: i like seeing u suffer

JEAMS: Thanks for sharing Hyuck

dongsucc: ur welcome

-

_ MOTHERLAND _

injun: chenle do you know any freshman tea

yangsquared: ooh yes im down 2 hear this

yangsquared: our freshman year was wild i wanna see if these children compare

Lele: I mean I know a little bit

Lele: Soobin and Yuna got together after knowing each other for like two weeks but I heard him say that he wants to break up but doesn’t know how

Hendery: Bruh moment

injun: the hets are rlly on something else

yangsquared: have there been any scandals??

yangsquared: lying cheating fake identity that type of stuff

Lele: No??? Was there in your grade???

yangsquared: yes

Lele: What the fuck??

Lele: Oh!! 

Lele: There was this instagram account

yangsquared: im intrigued

Lele: Yeah it was a girl who said she was going to transfer in

Lele: And she didn’t post any pictures of her face but she was like white skinny pretty whatever

Lele: And she just dms ppl and tries to get close to them 

Lele: But eventually ppl were like wait this doesnt look real

Lele: And this dude called her out

Lele: And she responded by exposing everything that the kids she’d talked to had said about each other, who’s annoying who’s too loud who’s creepy that type of stuff

injun: oh my god????

Lele: And then she posted a note about how pretty people experience oppression too and deactivated the account

Dijon: Just what the actual fuck

Hendery: Now THATS some tea

Lele: I wasn’t involved but I heard about it later yeah

injun: ignoring the pretty oppression thing that’s kinda iconic of her

yangsquared: oml lele u just made my day

yangsquared: that’s so fucking funny

Mother Goose: I worry about you guys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jisung is finally part of the squad!! we're getting ;) closer ;)


	9. thirs ty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> update schedule restored :') we'll see how long i keep it this time :') feel free to bully me if i don't post at @southernsalem on twt

_Bestiality Bitches and Bukkake_

injun: WHO IS BLASTING CARELESS WHISPER OUTSIDE MY HOUSE

dongsucc: open ur window and check pussy

injun: why am i not surprised

injun: why are you here

dongsucc: let me in and ill tell you

injun: nah

injun: STOP PLAYING CUPCAKKE IM COMING

JEAMS: so is she, apparently

dongsucc: deepthroat is art 

JEAMS: Isn’t one of the lyrics ‘breastfeeding while we fuck’

babey: .

dongsucc: why is that the one u remember there are so many good ones

dongsucc: the classic hump me fuck me

dongsucc: blowing bubbles with sperm

dongsucc: i spit on his dick sounds like im gargling

JEAMS: Thanks for that, I’ll keep those in mind next time

dongsucc: ur welcome

dongsucc: injun where r u

dongsucc: im turning it up

injun: DO NOT

-

_Chat with injun_

dongsucc: 

injun: is this you prepositioning me

injun: ngl im not really the spanking type

dongsucc: i should’ve known ur too much of a twink for that

injun: sorry man u’ll have to ask jaemin or someone

dongsucc: jaemin is a twink too????

injun: a ha ha h

dongsucc: .

dongsucc: DID U HOOK UP WITH JAEMIN

injun: like a while ago he’s toppier than you’d think

dongsucc: i really didn’t want to know that thanx

injun: u asked, i delivered

dongsucc: I DID NOT ASK

dongsucc: .

dongsucc: stop doing that its gross

injun: we r literally in the same room why did you text me that

dongsucc: vocal cords broke

injun: does this mean we’ll finally have a peaceful lunch???

dongsucc: ew no why would you think that

injun: every day i only suffer more

dongsucc: im a delight and u know it

injun: hmm

injun: now are you gonna tell me why you showed up to my house at 5 pm on a thursday night

dongsucc: .

injun: you don’t have to but should i tell my mom you’re staying for dinner

dongsucc: yeah can you?

injun: course

injun: do you wanna sleep over too?

dongsucc: if ur moms are ok with it?

injun: they love you it’s fine

dongsucc: thanks boo

dongsucc: i just got in a fight with my parents

dongsucc: its stupid

injun: its not!!

injun: parents are hard dude

dongsucc: yeah i know

dongsucc: ugh im not doing this over text 

dongsucc: vocal cord machine unbroke

injun: get over here i’m giving you a hug

-

_Bestiality Bitches and Bukkake_

injun: JAEMIN HYUCK AND I ARE GONNA BE FIVE MINUTES LATE FOR SPANISH

jeNo: You guys are disasters

injun: NOT OUR FAULT WE WERE CAUGHT UP IN DOMESTIC BLISS

dongsucc: HIS MOMS MADE PANCAKES THEY DESERVE TIME TO BE ENJOYED

JEAMS: GET OFF YOUR PHONES AND RUN IM STALLING AS BEST AS I CAN

-

_Chat with Hendery_

Dijon: Is Jaemin flirting with Sra. A

Hendery: I honestly can’t tell if he’s just being himself or making a move on her

Dijon: She just put a hand on his arm???? This has got to be violating a code of some sort

Hendery: Can you hear what they’re saying???

Dijon: No idea

Hendery: Damn

Hendery: Wait I can see Renjun and Donghyuck running up the corridor

Hendery: Donghyuck is wearing pajamas??

Dijon: Isn’t the door locked?

Hendery: Not anymore

Dijon: Why did Sra think it was a good idea to put you near the door you're literally the worst person to give any sort of responsibility to

Hendery: I’m just helping some fellow students succeed

Hendery: It’s called being a good person

-

_Donkis Konkis_

JEAMS: I can’t believe you guys made it

injun: i can’t either

injun: how’d you stall long enough for us to get in our seats???

JEAMS: No comment

dongsucc: ...gross

JEAMS: I didn’t say anything???

dongsucc: i can imagine

dongsucc: its u

JEAMS: I’m offended

JEAMS: I struggled for you

JEAMS: Dealt with vaguely flirty conversation with a MARRIED woman in her late thirties

injun: we didn’t ask you to do that????

injun: you can stall in other ways

injun: last time you were late i got her to go on a tangent about the senior class it took very little prompting 

JEAMS: Not everyone is as naturally irritating as you <3

injun: te odio

JEAMS: te quiero tambien <3

-

_see the v ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_

yangsquared: i want

yangsquared: red boll

Mother Goose: Yangyang no

_yangsquared has changed their name to red boll_

Mother Goose: .

red boll: i want

red boll: drank

Mother Goose: Guanheng Dejun what happened

red boll: thirs

red boll: ty

Hendery: Uhh well we were playing overwatch

Hendery: And I logged off at like 4 am?

Dijon: I left at 3

Mother Goose: I see

Mother Goose: And no one checked to see if Yangyang went to sleep???

Hendery: He’s his own independent person

Dijon: I left Guanheng to manage him

Mother Goose: Disappointing

red boll: my be st friends

red boll: dijen and guanheng

Dijon: How did you mess up MY name but not Guanheng’s?????

red boll: come with me

red boll: corner store

red boll: red boll

Guanheng: I mean we have a bit of time b4 our next class

Mother Goose: No.

red boll: im going

red boll: come w ith me

red boll: get the juice of youth

Mother Goose: Yangyang I’m coming down to Soph Hall you better be there

Mother Goose: Yangyang.

Mother Goose: GUYS

Mother Goose: DO NOT LET HIM GET CAFFEINE

-

_chuck e cheez cummies_

10: did anyone else see kun literally drop his backpack and sprint for the stairs

10: is he ok

Dad: Is he ever

10: yes he’s one of the most functional people i know

Dad: Ok but he’s even more of a dad than I am

Dad: And he’s friends with that one sophomore right?

phattest b: kun?? functional??? he’s in my stats class and he’s greying prematurely

skinny: johnny’s right he’s friends with a lot of the underclassmen

skinny: i’d be stressed too

10: ok but he literally yeeted outta here

yoot: He should try out for track we need more sprinters

skinny: just put a child about to do something stupid at the finish line and you’ll win every race

yoot: Good plan, I’ll run that one by coach

-

_see the v ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_

Dijon: For those not present I’ll be livetweeting what’s happening

WonWon: Thanks man

Dijon: Yangyang was about halfway down the hallway leading to the stairs up to the foyer when Kun got to Soph Hall

Dijon: Kun looked around, caught sight of me and Guanheng and got an expression

Dijon: I can’t describe it

Hendery: Baby sucking on a lemon

Hendery: But the lemon is on fire

Hendery: And the baby is on fire

Dijon: Perfect

Dijon: He got that expression and then caught sight of Yangyang’s retreating back

Dijon: Yelled “Yangyang no!”

Dijon: Yangyang took off sprinting down the hall, Kun ran after

Hendery: I’ve literally never seen anyone run so fast

Hendery: Kun should join track

Dijon: Guanheng and I are following along like ten feet back

Dijon: Yangyang has made it up the stairs, he waved to Stacy at the front desk as he ran out the front doors

Hendery: O ye she lives near him I think they’re very friendly

Dijon: Sly bastard, he doesn’t have to sign out cause she likes him

Dijon: Kun is aggressively signing out, looking between the clock and the paper with what I can only describe as extreme stress

Hendery: Like a mother whose son discovered a great talent for playing the drums at 3 am

Dijon: Yeah

Dijon: Ok Kun’s done signing out and he’s sprinting again

Dijon: Yangyang’s got a head start but there’s a red light so he had to stop

Dijon: Kun’s getting clos\

Dijon: Oh god Yangyang just ran across the street the light is still red a car just honked at him

Dijon: Kun waited for it to turn green it only took like ten seconds

WonWon: Aren’t you guys sprinting after them??? How are you texting so fast

Dijon: Talent

Hendery: Voice to text

Dijon: Stop exposing my secrets

Dijon: Ok Yangyang’s halfway up the hill Kun is still gaining on him somehow

Dijon: Oh shit Yangyang just slipped man down

Dijon: He’s scuttling backwards on all fours, Kun is advancing on him

Hendery: This is weirdly erotic

Hendery: That or like, predatory

Dijon: Kun is basically on Yangyang now Yangyang is, from what I can tell, hissing at him

Dijon: He just kicked like a cornered animal

Dijon: Kun has this really scary smile wow

Hendery: Like pearls in front of a house on fire

Dijon: Thanks for that

Dijon: Ooh kicking was a mistake Kun has him by the ankle

Dijon: Guanheng is now filming Sicheng youre in for a treat

WonWon: I’m so excited 

Dijon: Love the enthusiasm!

Dijon: Kun just picked Yangyang up? Like a baby? I think it’s called bridal style?

Dijon: Yangyang is beating against his chest but he’s not trying very hard

Dijon: It looks like Yangyang’s calmed down now Kun’s talking to him very quietly

Hendery: I’m done filming this is so weird why are our friends like this

Dijon: Alright that’s all for tonight Kun is now carrying Yangyang back

Dijon: I think Yangyang’s asleep? In Kun’s arms?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> u can probably tell in this one i love!! having more groupchats to play around with especially when things are happening at school cause u know i be gossiping to my friends whenever shit goes down
> 
> also!!!! this reached 1500 hits???? aslkfhaslkfh???


	10. did someone say ass eating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apparently when i Don't Have Ideas my brain thinks about ass so here you go get excited

_Bestiality Bitches and Bukkake_

JEAMS: Is Yangyang just. asleep in one of the chairs

mork: He’s been there for like ten minutes I’m pretty sure he is

injun: oh yeah didn’t y’all see kun carrying him in

injun: dejun and guanheng were following him looking very concerned

injun: i have no idea what happened and frankly im afraid to ask

dongsucc: imagine having a friend who carries u places

dongsucc: *cough* jeno *cough*

jeNo: I’m not going to carry you around Donghyuck

dongsucc: but the drama, the intrigue

dongsucc: u’ll get a workout too its a win win

jeNo: No

dongsucc: >:( i hate this family

mork: Speaking of family

mork: Jisung, do you have a Halloween costume yet?

babey: I was planning on just being like a dog or something

babey: I have some animal ears

babey: Why?

jeNo: We’re doing a group costume!! You should join in!!

jeNo: The current plan is Scooby Doo

babey: Oh!

babey: Aren’t there only five characters though

dongsucc: not if u count scrappy doo

injun: oh god that dog HAUNTED me when i was younger

jeNo: Wait that could work really well

jeNo: Since you’ve already got the pieces for a dog costume, you can just wear that and be Scrappy Doo

babey: Oh yeah

babey: That works, I think

mork: Yeah!

mork: We’re all going thrifting tomorrow wanna come with?

mork: It’s technically to find outfits for our costumes but also we’ll probably end up getting starbucks and hanging out

babey: I’d need to check with my dad

babey: I’ll let you know tonight?

jeNo: Of course!! And no pressure if you can’t make it!!

-

_Donkis Konkis_

injun: remember the girl who hated minions so much she attacked one whenever she saw it

dongsucc: of course why

injun: that used to be me with scrappy doo

injun: i hated that man

JEAMS: Renjun please don’t beat up the freshman

JEAMS: Actually I don’t think you could he’s taller than you and you’re tiny but please don’t try

injun: excuse you i have a track record of wins even against ppl bigger than me

injun: they never see it coming

dongsucc: he’s surprisingly vicious

dongsucc: i personally think it’s because he’s so small that the rage is concentrated

injun: or maybe im just better than you

dongsucc: i am a PACIFIST thank u very much

injun: sounds like an excuse

JEAMS: When have you ever been a pacifist??? 

JEAMS: You told me when we started hanging out with Mark that your plan was to annoy him until his head exploded

dongsucc: see that wouldn’t be my fault that would be mark’s fault batta bing batta boom

dongsucc: and that was when i was young, foolish

dongsucc: ive moved onto greener pastures

JEAMS: Sounds fake but ok

-

_see the v ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_

red boll: what’s up fuckers and sicheng 

red boll: guess who got that gamer juice

Hendery: Why isn’t sicheng a fucker??? 

Dijon: This is favoritism

red boll: i have 2 much respect for him

red boll: also i still owe him from the time he bought me mcfries

red boll: that debt haunts me

WonWon: As it should

Mother Goose: Do I even want to know what ‘gamer juice’ is

red boll: :)

Mother Goose: We’re not at school anymore this isn’t my problem

Dijon: He tells himself that and yet I know I’m gonna get a stressed call later tonight asking me to make sure Yangyang has gone to bed

red boll: WHY

Hendery: Bro just think for 1 second pls

red boll: .

red boll: u right

red boll: im still upset tho

Mother Goose: DEJUN WHAT THE HELL

Mother Goose: FIRST OF ALL I call you in CONFIDENCE which means you’re NOT ALLOWED to expose me

Hendery: Oop

Mother Goose: SECOND OF ALL Its not my fault you guys are literally terrible at taking care of yourselves

Dijon: Lol sorry

Mother Goose: .

Hendery: .

WonWon: .

red boll: ,,, damn that was harsh

red boll: didn’t expect that from you dejun

Dijon: LOL SORRY

Mother Goose: I’m disowning Dejun

Mother Goose: No one in this family appreciates me

red boll: wasn’t i disowned too?? who’s left

Hendery: I don’t think I’ve been disowned this year

Hendery: Are we counting last year too

red boll: I say yes

Hendery: Then I don’t think anyone’s left lmao

Mother Goose: I still have Chenle

Mother Goose: He wouldn’t betray me

red boll: lmao we’ll see

-

_Chat with Dad_

mork: Hey you’re throwing for Halloween right?

Dad: Course man

Dad: You’re invited, as always

mork: Thanks dude

mork: Can I bring my friends? 

Dad: The sophomores?

Dad: Sure

Dad: As long as they don’t wreck shit

mork: Still traumatized from last year lmao?

Dad: Do you know how hard it is to replace a custom vase? They don’t come cheap

mork: Hey your parents never realized, did they?

Dad: No cause I’m a god at cover ups but there were a few close calls

mork: You’ve managed to hide a bong and more vodka than is really reasonable from them in your closet for as long as I’ve known you

mork: I think your parents are just unobservant

Dad: That is also true

Dad: Pubg?

mork: Course I’ll be on in a sec

-

_chuck e cheez cummies_

10: who’s ready to eat some ass

skinny: why am i friends with you

10: i SAID who’s ready to eat some ass

yoot: Did someone say ass eating

phattest b: yummy yummy

10: finally some normal people

skinny: .

skinny: ten your ass is flat

10: EXCUSE YOU

10: MY ASS IS FAT AND JUICY AND DELICIOUS

10: EATING MY ASS WOULD BE A BLESSING

skinny: one sec im doing an ass ranking

yoot: Will pictures be included?

skinny: no.

yoot: Sad

tyong: where would you even get pictures???

yoot: ten has a stash

10: YUTA do NOT expose me to mr president

tyong: …

tyong: you just have a folder filled with pictures of our classmates asses

10: none of the girls are in there im not on that sexualization shit

tyong: is that better????

10: YES

10: listen sometimes you’re just having a bad day

10: and you wanna look at some good, homegrown ass

tyong: the fact that you just called ass homegrown…

10: im very picky with my ass thank you very much

10: bad farming practices lead to hard, dry ass

10: i make sure all the asses i eat are free range, well fed, with no pesticides involved

yoot: I must admit, the collection is surprisingly good

10: anything for my fans

10: just LOOK at this jass

10: 

10: got that at last year’s dance showcase, im proud of me too

tyong: akjsfhakfhajfh

tyong: sometimes sharing isn’t caring

tyong: and jass??

yoot: johnny ass

tyong: ah

tyong: where’s the bleach

skinny: peasants

skinny: it is done

yoot: the ass ranking?

skinny: yes

tyong: oh god

skinny: in LAST PLACE with 0.02% of votes is…

10: id be worried if i cared about dongyoung’s opinion

skinny: taeyong

10: deserved

skinny: sorry but its true

tyong: why am i included in this

skinny: you’re part of the gc arent you

tyong: sometimes i wish i wasn’t

10: leave then <3

tyong: nah it pisses you off <3

skinny: would y’all chill with the passive aggressive flirting it’s making my teeth ache

skinny: NEXT with 1% of votes is…

10: don’t do it or i swear to god ill devour your entire family

skinny: ten

skinny: your threats don’t scare me ✨

10: this is slander

10: i have CAKE

10: and its EXTREMELY FAT AND DELICIOUS

skinny: if your ass was cake then all of france would starve

10: FRIENDSHIP WITH DONGYOUNG IS OVER

10: ALSO marie antoinette did nothing wrong

tyong: the citizens of france were starving because of her lavish spending and lack of restraint??

10: but was she wrong tho

10: AND DONGYOUNG MOVE ME HIGHER THIS INSTANT

skinny: stop kinning historical figures and maybe we could talk

skinny: alright

skinny: next up with 20.98% of votes…

ten: dongyoung

skinny: yuta!

yoot: What

yoot: I'm an athlete these buns are made of steel

skinny: keep telling yourself that

skinny: coming up to the higher tiers now,,,

skinny: in THIRD place with a relatively juicy ass…

skinny: johnny

10: WHAT

10: you saw the jass i sent right

10: dongyong’s narcissism is clouding his judgement who put him in charge

skinny: now for number two….

skinny: me

yoot: nope

tyong: not deserved

10: off with his head

skinny: why are you booing me im right

10: u r not and u know it

skinny: AND NOW THE ONE YOU’VE BEEN WAITING FOR….

skinny: number 1…. 

10: it’s taeil

yoot: taeil

tyong: yeah i know its taeil

skinny: stfu

skinny: TAEIL! everyone give him a hand

phattest b: i’d like to thank my parents

phattest b: for giving me those good genetics

phattest b: and also my khakis

phattest b: for making me look thicc every day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: i have a deviantart specifically for posting the photos in here so there's no chance of them accidentally getting deleted,,, deviantart ur welcome


	11. schrodinger's little bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thrifting time for the boiz!! drama! tension! excitement!

_ Bestiality Bitches and Bukkake _

mork: Meet you guys at Buffalo Exchange at 12:30?

jeNo: Sounds good!!

dongsucc: yeah i’ll be there

babey: Ok

JEAMS: Thrifting adventure time!!

-

_ Bestiality Bitches and Bukkake _

jeNo: Jaemin is Renjun with you

JEAMS: I’m with Jisung I thought he was with you?

jeNo: Well uh

jeNo: Mark and I buddied up after Mark couldn’t handle giving his opinion on the skirts Donghyuck was trying on

jeNo: And Renjun said he, I quote, ‘Knew what will get Donghyuck laid better than you, church boy,’

jeNo: And so I’ve been consoling Mark in the jacket section

JEAMS: So you’re telling me

JEAMS: That you left Renjun and Donghyuck alone together

jeNo: Yes

jeNo: Except Donghyuck just walked over to us

jeNo: Apparently Renjun said he was walking over to find you to ask what you thought of a certain outfit

JEAMS: Well

JEAMS: He’s not with me

jeNo: … 

jeNo: That’s what I was worried about

JEAMS: Jeno what does that mean

JEAMS: Jeno what’s happening

JEAMS: Jeno

babey: Does anyone else hear yelling?

-

_ Bestiality Bitches and Bukkake _

JEAMS: Children: 2 

JEAMS: Renjun: 0

injun: shut up

babey: Wait

babey: 2?

babey: Has this happened before?

injun: i don’t want to talk about it

dongsucc: LMAOOOOOO

dongsucc: OWNED

dongsucc: GOD that was SO GOOD

mork: To answer your question Jisung, yes this has happened before

mork: Except last time it was a little girl

mork: And in a playground

babey: I feel like everyone should be more worried about this

babey: Is it normal to be bullied in public by a 10 year old

dongsucc: little kids are like sharks

dongsucc: they smell blood in the water and they attack

jeNo: Can someone come help me

jeNo: Renjun is ‘mad at all the hoes in the gc betraying me’

jeNo: So he’s making me give feedback on all his outfits

jeNo: I’m not qualified for this

JEAMS: I’m on my way

dongsucc: wait jisung did u film it

dongsucc: i was too caught up in the moment to pull my phone out

mork: You were egging them on what is this “caught up in the moment bull”

dongsucc: i stand by what i said

babey: I filmed some of it

dongsucc: PLS I NEED THAT VIDEO

babey:  _ IMG_4569.mov attached _

-

_ Chat with red boll _

dongsucc: what happened to ur user

red boll: dont worry abt it

dongsucc: worrying but ok

dongsucc:  _ IMG_4569.mov attached _

dongsucc: pls work ur magic

red boll: oml

red boll: what abt renjun just makes children go crazy

dongsucc: my current theory is that they sense that he’s a little bitch

dongsucc: but im open to suggestions

red boll: i’ll think abt that one, thanks

red boll: wait what even happened to prompt it this time

dongsucc: well no one saw the beginning of it

dongsucc: and renjun wouldn’t say anything other than that the kid was giving him dirty looks and that ‘the little bastard deserved it’ 

red boll: deserved waht

red boll: he didn’t do anything

dongsucc: no idea

dongsucc: but renjun, maybe u could see in the video? had been trying on girls clothes for our costume

dongsucc: and he was holding a skirt and a crop top

dongsucc: and i heard the kid afterwards mutter something that may have been ‘fag’ now that i think about it

dongsucc: shit i feel kinda bad for teasing jun now

red boll: oh shit

red boll: so the little fucker deserved a beatdown

dongsucc: yep

dongsucc: calling him a failed abortion may have been a little harsh but im on renjun’s side this time

red boll: yeah same

red boll: n yeah i feel kinda bad remixing this if it was a genuinely bad experience for renjun 

red boll: like homophobia is never a fun time

dongsucc: oof yeah

red boll: ill ask him abt it one sec

-

_ Chat with injun _

red boll: hello would you classify your fight with the newest child as a traumatic experience of homophobic violence

injun: ,,,,are you asking so you can remix the video without feeling guilty

red boll: mayhaps

injun: who sent it to you

injun: nvm you don’t need to answer that i know it was donghyuck

red boll: i will neither confirm or deny

injun: schrodinger's little bitch

red boll: fuck dude sure

injun: anyways it’s fine

injun: it was annoying 

injun: but did you see the kid’s face? i won in the end

red boll: so im good to remix?

injun: remix to your hearts content

red boll: thanks dude it means a lot

-

_ Bestiality Bitches and Bukkake _

jeNo: Y’all ready to go get lunch? I think we’ve picked through this store

mork: Yeah Hyuck and i are on our way to the entrance

jeNo: Cool

jeNo: Jisung’s with me, Jaemin? Renjun?

mork: Are they still in the changing rooms? It’s been like twenty minutes?

-

_ Donkis Konkis _

dongsucc: horny bastards

dongsucc: you guys better be out before marcus decides to check where you are

dongsucc: guys

dongsucc: he’s walking over y’all did this to urselves

-

_ Chat with Dad _

mork: Kill me please

mork: Right now

mork: Send an assassin or something Johnny please

Dad: What happened

mork: I scarred my eyes

mork: Permanently

mork: Why am I alive

Dad: …

Dad: So what happened

mork: Walked in on something I wish I didn’t

mork: We’re in PUBLIC why are they like this

Dad: Have fun with that kiddo

mork: Stop you’re not even my dad

-

_ Bestiality Bitches and Bukkake _

mork: New gc rule: no hooking up on group outings

JEAMS: This feels like a very targeted attack :/

mork: Good

dongsucc: CONGRATS MARK YOURE PART OF THE RENJUN EXHIBITIONIST RECOVERY GROUP

dongsucc: population me and jeno

injun: what did i do to deserve this

dongsucc: r u actually asking that

injun: no

dongsucc: good u sinner

jeNo: Can the RERG (Renjun Exhibitionist Recovery Group) have meetings I still have yet to work through the trauma of my experience

injun: boo you whore

dongsucc: injunnie i think ur the whore in this situation

injun: BOO

mork: Guys hurry up I’m hungry and still in shock

injun: coming!!!

dongsucc: ew keep that to urself pls

-

_ ritalin gang _

10: my fyucking dealer unadded me on snap what the fuck

Dad: The one that was shit at responding and took literally like 3 weeks to get you your stuff?

10: YES

10: he had reasonable prices even tho he was a dry ass texter :(

Dad: Maybe he got tired of seeing the random shit you put on your story

10: excuse you my story is delightful

yoot: Eh it depends on the day

10: stfu

Dad: Anyway hasn’t it been like six months since you bought anything off him

10: ok yeah

Dad: So he’s not getting business from you

Dad: And he’s tired of seeing your story

Dad: So he unadds you

yoot: Rip

Dad: Just unadd him and add him back

10: owo that actually makes sense

10: if he doesn’t add me back after this tho im throwing hands

yoot: Ten you’re a twink on your good days, didn’t you tell us this dude is like six feet tall and 180 pounds

10: i can dream

10: im still very upset that he unadded me all i want are some edibles GOD

10: ALSO im not that annoying??? am i????

Dad: No you’re not I bet he was just trying to keep his snap for ppl that actually were buying

10: ugh i hope so 

10: can we go on a sad hours in and out run

10: please

Dad: Fine

Dad: Which house are you at?

10: mom’s

10: yuta?

yoot: I’m coming too god who do you take me for

yoot: Johnny I’ll be at yours in 5 minutes I’m biking over

Dad: Cool 

Dad: Ten we’ll be at your in like 20 alright?

10: come quickly~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do y'all have a favorite groupchat? i rlly wanna know so like,, leave a comment perhaps,, i think mine may be see the v (kun, sicheng, guanheng, dejun, yangyang) but like i love all of them so it do be hard to choose


	12. 420 gucci gang yang gang fortnite gamers unite 😔✊

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's the content yeehoo

_ chuck e cheez cummies _

10: if i die all of my shit goes to taeil

10: actually give yangyang my switch

10: and yuta gets my unspecified dvd collection

10: but everything else goes to taeil

skinny: “”unspecified””

10: ;)

skinny: why didn’t god give you any shame

10: cause im so much hotter without it bb

tyong: uh

tyong: is no one else worried about ten dying

phattest b: wouldn’t be the first time

tyong: im sorry what

phattest b: i said what i said

tyong: i don't understand your friendgroup

skinny: neither do i and im in it

yoot:  _ IMG_4209.mov attached _

phattest b: oml

tyong: is that in n out

tyong: why are the employees letting that happen

skinny: TENS PLAYING ABBA HE KNOWS THATS MY SONG

Dad: I feel like we’ve had this conversation you can’t claim an entire artist as yours dongyoung

skinny: SHUT UP MAMMA MIA IS COPYRIGHT ME

phattest b: i don’t think that’s how copyright works

skinny: does it look like i care

tyong: once again, is no one else worried about why ten is throwing back on a table

tyong: and why not a single employee said anything in that 2 minute video

skinny: eh

skinny: yujohnten have do weird shit on the daily i kinda tune it out

tyong: is that. a shipname for them

skinny: no i just find it easier to think of them as one person when they’re being stupid

yoot: Oh the reason the employees aren’t yelling at us is cause there’s literally no one here

yoot: It’s completely empty except for us 

tyong: did y’all maybe consider that you SHOULDNT GO INSIDE if its empty

yoot: We went in through a side door it was unlocked

yoot: We didn’t expect there to be literally no one here

tyong: and so ten decided to throw it back while standing on a table

tyong: to abba????

tyong: and you filmed it????

yoot: Yep

Dad: Yeah

10: mhm

10: listen you know the vine of ronald mcdonald

10: dancing on the counter

tyong: .yes

10: thats me

10: on a spiritual emotional and physical level

skinny: wow! ten finally admits he’s a clown on the inside!

10: you can’t bully me abt something ive accepted

skinny: eh i can try

10: ur lack of passion is disappointing 

10: try harder

skinny: you want me to bully you??? 

skinny: masochist much???

10: yes daddy

Dad: You called?

skinny: aldkhaslkfhalskhfldhfs

10: ALKSDHAHDA

-

_ chuck e cheez cummies _

yoot: So to update y’all

yoot: Turns out there were employees there

yoot: Except there were only two and one was on a break

yoot: And the other was in the back where we couldn’t see

skinny: did you guys get kicked out

Dad: Surprisingly not

Dad: Well

tyong: that’s not comforting

Dad: Ten screamed when the employee walked out and threw his shoe

Dad: It missed

10: i did my best

skinny: that’s not something to be proud of

Dad: But I’m pretty sure the employee was stoned and so he just told Ten to chill as he made us our food

tyong: you guys are so lucky

10: im going to assume it’s because im very hot and the employee fell in love with me as soon as he saw me

Dad: It’s definitely not because of that they kept sending you very dirty looks

10: lust

Dad: No

10: you can’t stop me because i can’t read

yoot: Update: Johnny just said no to Ten out loud, Ten is whining

tyong: are you guys sitting at in and out at the same table and texting

yoot: We’re actually in the car

yoot: Parked

tyong: you know i don’t think that’s better

10: good thing we didn’t ask for your opinion <3

phattest b: wait now i want a burger

phattest b: also im mad that i didn’t get invited you guys are such fake friends

Dad: Ten was having emo hours about his dealer unadding him on snap this wasn’t a fun and games in n out run

phattest b: i do not care

phattest b: doyoung taeyong do yall wanna go get food

tyong: i have to study :/

skinny: haha sucks im free lets go

-

_ Donkis Konkis _

injun: guys i have an idea

dongsucc: why can’t you talk out loud

dongsucc: we’re literally hanging out

injun: its a secret

injun: jisung needs freshie friends right?

injun: but he’s shy as fuck

injun: and rn he’s pretty much only comfortable around Jaemin and Jeno

dongsucc: im listening

JEAMS: Did I hear my name

dongsucc: this is a written conversation

JEAMS: dId i hEaR My nAmE

injun: ANYWAYS

injun: we should like, set him up with someone

injun: in a friend way

dongsucc: there r so many things wrong with this plan already

dongsucc: im in

JEAMS: Anything for my child

injun: weird but ok

dongsucc: do either of you have any freshman friends?

JEAMS: I know the reps from student council but ngl they’re boring as hell

injun: there’s a freshman in the chinese student union? he’s pretty funny

injun: and he’s a choir kid so clearly he’s cool

dongsucc: i think u and i have different understandings of the word cool

injun: oh rlly? how is it being wrong?

dongsucc: i wouldn’t know <3

JEAMS: Focus pls

injun: oh yeah

injun: should i tell him what’s going on?

dongsucc: nah

dongsucc: that would make it too forced and uncomfortable

dongsucc: just like, find some reason to add him to bitches

injun: hmm

injun: im having thots

dongsucc: thots?

injun: yes

injun: just,

injun: be prepared

-

_ MOTHERLAND _

injun: hello i have a request

red boll: alright alright but ill have you know my rates have gone up since last time

injun: uh

red boll: wait this isn’t a private chat

Mother Goose: Yangyang.

red boll: hello kun

red boll: how’s your saturday going?

Mother Goose: Worse, now that you’re in it

red boll: ouchie!! my feewings!!

Mother Goose: Don’t think you’re gonna distract me from what just happened young man

red boll: ew u sound like my dad

Mother Goose: I am your dad now

red boll: no thanks!

Mother Goose: But for real, Yangyang? Drug dealing? Really?

red boll: YOU DONT EVEN KNOW IT WAS ABT DRUGS

red boll: MAYBE IM WRITING OTHER PPLS ENGLISH PAPERS HUH

Hendery: Yangyang I’ve read ur writing

Hendery: We both know it’s not that

red boll: that one hurt

Hendery: Sorry bro 

Mother Goose: Well what was it then?

red boll: a JOKE

red boll: i was actually trying more for the prostitution angle but now reading it back i see the drug dealing

Mother Goose: Hmm

Mother Goose: Promise?

red boll: even tho im an epic 420 gucci gang yang gang fortnite gamer dealing isn’t my style

red boll: blazing up is only fun when the cops don’t sentence you to baby jail 

Dijon: Fuck pigs

Hendery: 420 gucci gang yang gang fortnite gamers unite  😔✊

Mother Goose: We’re really seeing two sides of the zoomer generation right here

red boll: who r u to say we can’t be both

red boll: we can have that range

red boll: stop trying to put us into your little boxes

Mother Goose: Something’s got you especially pissy today

red boll: guanheng insulted my writing

Hendery: It’s just your analytical stuff that could be stronger bro

Hendery: Your lyrics are straight bars

red boll: fr? that means a lot bro

Hendery: Ofc bro

red boll: anything 4 u bro

injun: i turned off my phone for like one minute how did this derail so quickly

red boll: talent

Hendery: We train for this all year

Mother Goose: When has this group every been able to stay on task?

red boll: ill have u know im a professional shit starter

red boll: renjun’s been in a class with me, he knows how easily

red boll: how skillfully, some might say

Mother Goose: No one would say that

red boll: i start random bullshit completely separate from the lesson

Hendery: Like half the ppl in here have had a class with u Yang i’m pretty sure they know

red boll: gotta rep my brand

injun: what brand

injun: your online presence is barely even there

injun: you need a platform to have a brand

red boll: why am i being targeted today

red boll: i deserve so much and i get so little

injun: ANYWAYS

injun: i need y’all’s help

red boll: …

red boll: help???

injun: ok so i need someone who mark, donghyuck, jeno, jaemin, and jisung wouldn’t have the number of

red boll: rip sorry fam

Dijon: Yeah nope

Hendery: That’s a no for me

Mother Goose: Jaemin has my number sorry Jun

WonWon: Mark has my number

Xuxi: Jeno has my number sorry dude!

injun: .

injun: wow ok i see how it is

injun: chenle?

Lele: I don’t think I know any of those people? I pretty much only know freshmen

injun: hell yeah

injun: lemme slide into ur dms ;) ;)

Lele: Google, how to know when someone is a sexual predator?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so uh. i have no idea if that made sense ;) like at all ;) but it's 12:30 and i Managed To Write so im proud of me :')
> 
> i kinda wanna do a Fun Exciting Interaction Question Special for each chapter so for this one!! which dream member is most likely to be into one direction?? add an explanation if u feel like it !! this is for Official Science Purposes

**Author's Note:**

> there it is babez have a good week


End file.
